Writing and a Social Life

 

Some people consider writers to be recluses holed up in a small place with nothing but their computer as comfort. No social life whatsoever. Yes, we do tell writers to allot as much time as possible for writing., but you need not hide from the world. Being around others occasionally is beneficial.

Writers do have to learn how to balance their social life with their writing life. Certain times of the year, like December, means your social life might take a flying leap into being almost crazy busy. We enjoy the holiday gatherings with friends, family, food, and festivities of all kinds. Even so, we have obligations in our writing life, maybe even deadlines to meet. How do we balance it?

Try for another list making. On one side of your paper, list your writing responsibilities and opposite that, your social needs. I looked at my December calendar yesterday and was amazed at how many days had something written to remind me of where I should be. A few were appointments, but many were social activities that I know I will enjoy. In the back of my mind, a thought wavered. It's going to cut into writing time. 

This is when we must make choices. If a writing project takes precedence, we have to learn to say no to some invitations. I'm a social person, love to be with people, so that is difficult for me to do. For those people who are more introverted, saying no to a social event is not very hard. They often prefer their own company to that of a group of others. There is nothing wrong with that. We are all of different personalities. In some ways, I envy those who can easily say no to social events. I can do it, but with regret. 

Let's look at that list again. Put a star by the things in each list that are the most important to you. Do you want to attend all the social things on the list and fit in the writing wherever you can? If that's important to you, do it. If you want to find a balance, you might have to work harder when writing by getting up an hour earlier to do some writing, then socialize later. 

Tomorrow, we begin one of the busiest months of the year. Do some planning now. Most of all, do what is satisfying to you without being detrimental to your writing life.

Guest Blog: Your Agent Isn't Your Best Friend

 My Guest Blogger today is Christina Hamlett, author of While You Were Out, the book I recently reviewed, as well as many others. She has some excellent advice for those authors seeking or having newly acquired an agent.Former actress/director Christina Hamlett is an award-winning author and playwright whose credits to date include 44 books, 255 stage plays and squillions of articles and interviews.

YOUR AGENT ISN'T YOUR BEST FRIEND

By Christina Hamlett 

The good news is that you’ve just landed your first literary agent. The bad news is that this exciting new marriage will quickly lead to divorce if you overstep professional boundaries and ascribe traits and expectations that most reps never sign up for; specifically, being assigned roles which may be lacking in a client’s personal life.

For aspiring authors, there’s often a mystique surrounding what, exactly, an agent can do. Years ago I recall an acquaintance declaring that having a rep meant she’d never again have to worry about her writing career. The reality? You’ll have to work just as much—if not more—than you did before you signed a contract. In this particular case, the new author had spent most of her adult life penning just one book. Just one. She had no plans to write a second or third because, hey, her agent was going to turn this one into a bestseller and she’d never have to write anything ever again. It’s a nice dream. Just not one grounded in truth.

As with any other industry in today’s downward-spiraling economy, agents are facing challenges that weren’t present 20-30 years ago. In order to be successful, they need to be able pitch projects which publishers can’t wait to rush to market. Unfortunately, publishers have become more risk-averse than their predecessors. As my circle of colleagues have candidly admitted, it’s easier to say no to a project they actually like than to say yes to investing in a newbie’s work which could crash and burn and ultimately cost them their jobs. With release lists continuing to shrink, the safe route is to be more discriminating in what they accept. And while one-hit wonders may have worked in the past—Memoirs of a Geisha, Gone With the Wind, The Bell Jar, Black Beauty—publishers and agents alike are reluctant to build the career of someone who only has one commercially viable idea.

The burgeoning popularity of self-publishing has also given rise to authors who believe they can circle back to agents and say, “See? I’m published now! Are you interested in representing me?” Unless their DIY efforts have yielded astronomical sales, why would any agent want to hype something which is already available on Amazon?

This leads back to what authors can do to not only nurture the agent relationships they have just entered but also ensure those contractual partnerships don’t fall by the wayside from inappropriate behaviors. 

Among the biggest pet peeves of agents with whom I’ve spoken is the idea that the agent will suddenly—and happily—wear more than one hat to make the writer feel secure. These include:

• The Confessional Ear and Redeemer: “I know I said this book is fiction, but it’s actually about all the trauma I endured in childhood when I was abused by my older brother. You’re absolutely the only person I felt I could tell this to.”
• The Parental: “Did I do well, Mom? Do you like me best? Are you really, really, really happy with me?”
• The Cheerleader: “My life is such a mess. Why do I even bother? What if everyone hates my book? How can I go on? I’m a failure, aren’t I?  I should just give up, don’t you think?”
• The Whipping Post: “Why aren’t you listening to the way I want you to do things? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. My book is fine just the way it is. If you were any good at what you do, I’d be on Oprah by now.”
• The Bestest Bestie: “I hope you don’t mind me calling you at 3am or sending so many emails about my boyfriend and my dysfunctional family but isn’t that what best friends are for? So do you think I should take Carl back or play the field?”

In my work as a mentor and consultant, I’ve personally encountered this last one the most frequently. Time and again, any such relationships that aggressively move from “I love you, love you, love you and let’s be besties forever” will just as quickly turn to “I hate you, hate you, hate you and you can’t die fast enough” the very first time you offer professional criticism they don’t want to hear.

While there’s certainly no shortage of stories in which an agent/client relationship has evolved into a genuine friendship, this should not be a writer’s goal from the outset. The goal, first and foremost, should be to continuously prove you are worth the agent’s investment, time and trust. This is accomplished by:

• Listening to the rep’s advice and counsel on what could make your project the most attractive to a publisher. While you may not agree with everything your agent suggests, bear in mind that it’s not his or her quest to ruin your masterpiece but, rather, to help polish it to its most shiny best. You may know your story inside and out, but agents are better versed in what the current markets want, demand and are willing to pay for.
• Coming up with fresh ideas, whether for standalones or sequels. Nothing excites an agent more than to know you already have something else in the queue before your first book is even on the market.
• Asking intelligent questions. An intelligent question is to pick the agent’s brain on how best to build your author’s platform. A stupid question is asking how soon you are going to be rich from royalties. (Yes, there are authors who actually ask that.)
• Staying focused on your book and your credentials. While there’s nothing wrong with occasionally straying into personal news if the agent invites it, he or she is not there to be your mum, your priest, your best bud or your favorite bartender. He or she has only one job to do and that’s to represent your book’s best interests. You have only one job as well. To be the best writer possible.

A Feast For Oscar

Thanksgiving is almost here, so today I am posting a story for children that I wrote several years ago. It was published in a childrens' magazine. The inspiration came from a childhood memory of our class taking food to a needy family. There were a few students selected to accompany the teacher to the home, and I was one of them. It left a lasting impression. This is a story you might want to share with children in your family, or even adults. A Happy Thanksgiving to all.

(NOTE: NEXT POST WILL BE MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29)

A Feast For Oscar 

By Nancy Julien Kopp

“Turkey!” shouted three boys in the back row of Miss Edwards’ fourth grade class.

“What else?” our teacher asked.

Melissa Martin waved her hand. “How about sweet potatoes and cranberries?” 

We were listing foods people usually eat for Thanksgiving. Thinking of all those good things made my mouth water and my stomach growl like a hungry lion. I raised my hand and waved it back and forth so Miss Edwards would call on me.

“Yes, Tim,” she said.

I added my Thanksgiving favorite. “How about stuffing for the turkey?”

Nearly everyone in our class named something—everyone except for Oscar Livingood.

Miss Edwards strolled between the rows of desks. “Oscar, what will you have for this special dinner?” she asked.

Oscar ducked his head and mumbled words that sounded like, "Cereal, I guess.”

The class roared with laughter. I laughed long and hard at what Oscar had said. Oscar was a real comic.

Miss Edwards held up her hand for quiet, then asked Oscar, “Are you sure?”

Oscar kept his eyes on the desktop. “Pretty sure. That’s what we have most nights.”

Miss Edwards patted Oscar on the head and returned to the front of the room.

We waited. What would she say now?

“Take out your English books and turn to page 67.” 

 That was it. She never mentioned Oscar’s strange remark. Instead, she erased the long list of foods on the chalkboard and the subject of Thanksgiving dinner was dropped.

I walked home from school alone that day. I couldn’t stop thinking about Oscar. The guy had a funny name and it sounded life he ate funny, too. Maybe he wasn’t trying to amuse us, maybe he was serious.

 I ran into the house letting the screen door slam behind me. I cringed and waited for Mom to yell “Don’t slam that door!” but she didn’t say a word. She was at the kitchen table writing.

I grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter and peered over her shoulder. “Hey Mom, what are you doing?”

She smiled, but kept on writing. “I’m making a grocery list for Thanksgiving. There are so many extra things to buy when you create a super-duper, fantastic feast like we’ll have next week. Your Gran is coming and so is Uncle Pete.”

 I said, “Get lots of good stuff. I’m saving up to eat enough for two people.” Mom’s list included all my favorites—turkey, cranberries, pumpkin, potatoes and sweet potatoes. On and on it went. “Yum, I can’t wait for Thanksgiving.”

“We have a lot to be thankful for.” Mom said. “Not everyone can afford to buy all these extra things for a holiday dinner.”

Her comment made me think of Oscar, and I didn’t like the picture forming in my mind. Would Oscar and his mom sit at their table with nothing but two bowls of cereal? I shook my head a little to clear the picture away and went upstairs to start on my homework.

The next day I watched Oscar Livingood. He needed a haircut, and his clothes looked pretty worn and raggedy. Most days, Oscar faded into the background because he didn’t have much to say. Maybe that’s why I never paid much attention to him before. Now, all I could think of was the bowl of cereal he’d eat for Thanksgiving dinner.

On Monday morning, Miss Edwards announced that the class would make up a basket of food for a needy family for a class project. By the day before Thanksgiving, cans and boxes rested in the basket our teacher had provided. Even Oscar slipped a can of soup in with the rest. Miss Edwards would add a turkey at the last minute.

We held a drawing to determine who would go with the teacher to deliver the basket. I drew one of the lucky tickets, and so did Oscar. After school, we climbed into Miss Edwards’ van.  She stopped at the market to pick up the turkey and we were off to visit the family whose name had been given to us. They knew we were coming, but even so, their faces lit up with happiness when they opened the door. The mother and father thanked us over and over, and three little kids fingered the overflowing basket.

On the way home, I said to Oscar, “It’s good to help people who really need help, isn’t it?

Oscar grinned and pushed his long hair off his forehead. “They’ll remember this Thanksgiving for a long time. They’ll know somebody cared.”

Suddenly, the bowl of cereal popped into my head again. “Oscar, who are you going to be with tomorrow?”

“Just my mom."

That night I tossed and turned in my bed while I dreamed about giant boxes of cereal marching in a parade. When I woke up, I knew what my plan for the day would be. First, I’d talk to Mom and Dad and tell them about Oscar and his mother. Next, I would walk down to Oscar’s house and invite them to join us at our dinner table. I wanted him to know somebody cared about him, too. Oscar was not going to eat cereal on Thanksgiving Day.

 

Book Review--While You Were Out

I'm not generally a reader of chick-lit, but I recently read a novel of this genre and thoroughly enjoyed it. While You Were Out by Christina Hamlett and Jamie Dare earned 5 stars from me by the time I'd finished reading. 

Mystery, romance, and humor are all rolled into one delicious journey following Henny Tinker in modern day London. Having lost her job at a large bookstore, Henny is hired by Geoffrey Bond, whose business is art acquisitions. Henny, from a middle class family, is awed to have been asked to be Geoffrey's executive assistant. She narrates the story, and we see the place where she works and the people in the building through her eyes. We're also treated to her thoughts about her new boss and the crush she has on him that keeps building despite her reservations about his many absences, his liking of period costumes, and an antique clock that keeps time perfectly but backwards. 

Henny's crush grows along with her suspicions that her handsome hunk of a boss may be a time traveler and he might be dealing with art fraud, too. She pokes and prods these suspicions while falling more and more for him. 

Henny lives with her parents. Her mother is a terrible cook but bound to fill her family's stomachs with her concoctions. Henny has a comeback for each piece of advice her mother offers. She and her dad get along well, love to watch movies on tv together. Dad is wont to back out of a room when a conversation becomes a bit uncomfortable. Add  exotic Aunt Henny, for whom Henny was named, and Noah, a strange cousin who comes to stay, and a friend who is overseas, but always in touch, and Henny's life is filled with enough to make any young woman question her life. 

Henny leads us through her investigation of Geoffrey's business deals while she organizes his office and attends various social functions with him, dressed to the nines in the clothes he has selected for her, sometimes period costumes and sometimes exquisite evening dresses. Her observations are filled with wit and humor, pathos and concern. Hamlett and Dare, the authors, keep the reader guessing and include enough twists and turns to make this book a page turner. 

This experienced writing duo has come up with a delightful read that found me rooting for Henny, wondering about Geoffrey and his good friend, Dobby Trowbridge, and warming to the characters in Henny's middle class family. The humor throughout the book in Henny's observations brought chuckles and smiles. Humor is not easy to write, and this book accomplishes it with a flare. 

Chick-lit books are usually aimed at the younger generation, but this senior citizen found it a good read, and you probably will, too. Find it on Amazon.

 

Writers Can Use Different Perspecitives

 Our quote today says that "Sometimes, all you need to do is look at things from a different perspective." It sounds so simple, and it is, but you can also reap benefits from stepping back and using a different approach.

One way writers can do that is to put a first draft in a file and leave it there for a few days, or even longer. I guarantee you will see what you had written in a new light. You probably read the draft from start to finish when you were done. That's fine. We should do that. It gives us an overall picture of what we've written.

Don't start editing and revising at that point. Put the draft in a file and go on to other projects. Leave it there for several days or longer. Then open the file and read the draft again. Things that you had not seen in that first reading will pop out. You'll see places that need additions, some where you should delte, and also the mechanical errors. That first draft is nothing more than a beginning. When you look at it later, it's with fresh eyes and a different stance.

Another place you can change perspective is to put yourself in the editor's place when  you receive a rejection. Read what you had submitted again, but read it as an editor might. Even though you may be happy with what you had sent, there was a reason it wasn't accepted. You might see some errors that you can fix before submitting elsewhere.

Even another way to change perspective is to read your work as you think a reader would read it. Do this especially to look for clarity. What the writer knows and sees in his/her mind as clear as daylight may be muddled by the reader who doesn't have the benefit of knowing what was in the writer's mind. Look at humorous parts. It may have been funny to you when you wrote it, but would a reader see the humor? 

Things do change when we look at them from a new angle, and the person who benefits from doing this is you, the writer. Take a little time and look at your writing projects from that different perspective.

Family Stories Abound at Holiday Time

We're sailing very close to the holiday season, beginning with Thanksgiving next week. Holidays bring families together, and this year may be one of the best since we were not able to gather with our loved ones last year due to the pandemic. Each smile and hug and special family food will seem a little more special this year for many.

When families spend time together, family stories are bound to be one topic of conversation. You can glean a great deal of information, especially from the older family members at the table. They can be of great help when writing family stories. You can initiate the family stories conversation by asking questions. Or bring an old photo album and ask who remembers the people and places and the time in the photos within. Ask what it was like to live through the years of WWII, Korean War, or Vietnam. Not necessarily the war service, although that is worth delving into, too. You want to learn what life here in the USA was like during those periods of war. What working life was like and more.

Listen and learn from other family members. Make some notes soon after being together, then start writing before too much time elapses. Do it while things are fresh in your mind. 

Family stories do not have to be written one right after the other. Write one and another one later. Include a sense of place and the time period when the story occurred. Give a bit of description of the people involved and what they meant to you. Maybe one made you feel loved and safe while you were a bit afraid of another one.

You need not write family stories in chronological order. Write as you remember them, or are told by a family member. You can organize them in your book later as to the period the story happened. There is no all right or all wrong when working on a family stories project. 

Even if you're not a professional writer, you can write your family stories. But just like writers who write for publication, you should write the story, then let it sit a few days. After that, edit the story. You'll see places where you might want to add something or leave something out that might be hurtful to another family member. 

Write your story as though you were sitting across the table with a friend, having a cup of coffee, and telling a story. Make it conversational. 

Write those family stories for yourself, your children, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, and grandchildren. Every family needs someone to write those stories. You can be the one to do it. 

Family history and family stories are two different things. Even so, they go hand in hand, and they can both be a part of your book. One good place to find family history is in the front of a family bible where births and deaths are often recorded. 

I keep mentioning 'book.' My suggestion is to purchase a large 3 ring binder notebook. You can add your stories one at a time. 

As you gather with family members for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year's, listen and learn. Then start writing. 

 

 

Don't Fret, Fume, or Fuss Over Submissions

 

What happens after you have sent a submission to a publication or a contest? What do you do? Some writers will forget about it and move on to other writing. Others will fret and fume and fuss. 

Logically, those who do know a lot of time will pass before they receive either a rejection or an acceptance. But logic can go out the window when you're a bundle of nerves waiting for word on a submission. They also know that the chances of being accepted are less than those of being rejected, and that's a concern. They put stress upon themselves by wondering if they should have done one more revision before sending the submission. Some writers will check email every day to see if the editor has sent a reply and fret a bit more each day.

All the fretting, fuming, and fussing in the world is not going to change the outcome of the submission nor make the editor hurry up and email you. You who read this blog regularly know that my two keywords in my writing world are patience and perseverance. Some writers learn to use those two traits more slowly than others. It's to your advantage to work at acquiring both.

After you submit to a publication or a contest, put the date and title and place you sent it to in a file. Then, it's time to do one of two things, or both. Send another piece of writing to another place or work on another writing project. Put the submission on the back burner of your mind. Be aware of it, but don't dwell on it. 

If you wait and worry and then a rejection pops up in your inbox, you'll be even more disappointed than the writer who submits, then goes back to other writing projects. Sometimes the wait seems unbelievably long, and sometimes, it truly is. I appreciate guidelines which let you know an approximate time before you will hear anything. I once received an acceptance on an essay I had submitted two years earlier. Needless to say, I'd assumed it was a rejection, even without the editor sending one to me. Sadly, some publications do not respond unless they are accepting your submission. That irks me and probably does you, too. Editors are busy people, but so are writers, and if you know you were rejected, you can submit the piece of writing elsewhere. 

Submitting and waiting is a part of the writing world. Learn to have a little patience and not worry yourself sick over it. As our poster for today tells us, "Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything. It messes with your mind and steals your happiness." 

I have tried to adopt the attitude that, if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not now, maybe it will be accepted or place in a contest later. We all know that not every submission works to our advantage. Submit and move on. 

Writers--What's Stopping You?

 

Three little words in our photo today. "What's stopping you?" Good question for writers. We have goals in our writing life. We have dreams of what we would like to achieve. We sometimes concentrate on small projects, ones we are confident will bring us a bit of success.

But when it comes to the big writing projects, many of us come to a screeching halt. Write a book? Whoa! That's hard work and maybe fruitless as it's so hard to get a book published. Write a series of small books? Same problem. What about writing your family stories? You think about it but somehow never get that first step taken.

Poets have a folder filled with poems, but why aren't they organizing them into a book? Excuses abound. Again, taking that first step is the hardest part. 

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) started in 1999. It was presented as a challenge for writers around the world to write 50,000 words in the 30 days of November. Do the math to see how many words that might be per day. I've often wondered why November was selected as it is the beginning of holidays that require extra bits of time, leaving us less time to write. One has to be totally committed to accept this challenge, but thousands take up the baton and start running with it on November 1st. NaNoWriMo is a good example of the "What's stopping you?" question. I applaud those who accept the challenge. 

What does stop us from attempting bigger writing projects? Doubt and fear play a large part. To take on a big project, we must believe in ourself, in our ability as a writer. Another reason is that we can easily convince ourself that it is too much work. And then we say that we probably aren't going to be successful so why start? Mr. Doubt again! One more reason is that we don't have the time it takes. If you're a part time writer with another job or other responsibilities, that's a legitimate concern. 

If it's merely fear and doubt, consider it as an excuse rather than a reason. Time to give yourself a pep talk. Time to be the little engine who kept telling himself he could pull that much bigger engine. He believed he could, and so it happened. 

Maybe the question of "What's stopping you?" is one you should answer even when it comes to the smaller writing projects, the shorter ones. It may be time to look yourself in the mirror, ask the question and give an answer. 

Writers Should Also Be Readers

 

Writers should be readers. A pure and simple statement. There are writers who do not read; they say they don't have time for reading. It takes away from hours spent writing. Or they'll mumble something about not wanting to be too influenced by other writers. I don't buy those reasons at all.

I believe writers should also be avid readers. Reading encourages imagination and feeds our love of words, or language. Writers should read to see what works and what doesn't work. They read to understand the human condition, which is all important in their own writing.

Reading expands the possibilities in writing and also keeps the brain active. It even reduces stress. Of course it does. When you slip inside a book, the rest of your world waits outside for you. For those minutes or hours you are reading, nothing bothers you. Reading gives you time to be alone with your thoughts/

Reading the writing of others adds strength to your understanding of the fundamentals of writing. It exercises your mental muscles. I love the concept of 'mental muscles.' That's something we should all strive to keep active. Our bodies need exercise, and so do our brains.

You, the writer, can find inspiration in reading. You can also connect to other authors as you read. Should you copy other writers? Certainly not. You can be influenced by another writer, but you need to keep your own voice as you write.

Lastly, the more you read, the more you are exposed to good writing. If it's been published, it is most often good writing. Not always the case, but usually.

When you spend time reading, don't ever feel guilty. You are increasing your own ability to write. Go to the bookstore, the library, or some other outlet for books--perhaps your pwersonal home library. Find a book and read!

Write About Your November Memories

(This is a repeat post which seems to be still pertinent on this November day. )

The ability to remember the past is one of the greatest gifts we have been given. As writers, we make good use of our memories. Memoirs are in vogue today as writer after writer explores their past hoping to see it better themselves and to share with others. 

Personal essays lend themselves to creating a story with a universal truth using your memories. 

We also use memories to write fiction. Many children's books are based on the author's own childhood memories. Things that occurred in the past can be used in adult fiction, as well. If we've experienced something, we can write with conviction. We incorporate our own experiences into the made-up stories we write. 

Poets certainly use memories as they pen their short or long poems. 

I think an excellent writing exercise is to write about your growing-up years each month of the year. We're in the early days of November so try a free write about what your life was like in November. D

The questions below might be of some help in writing about November:

What was the weather like where you lived?

How did your wardrobe change?

What did you see in the grocery stores?

What kinds of foods did your mother make?

What holiday plans did you make?

What did you study in school?

Did your town have a Veteran's Day Parade?

What sports did you watch or play?

Did you celebrate Thanksgiving? How? 

What chores did you have?

Below is a memory piece I wrote a few years ago about November in Chicago when I grew up in the 1940's and '50's. I've posted it here in the past, but it's a good example of what you can write about for this 11th month of the year. Write one of your own to add to your Family Stories book. What a great addition it would be to have a memory sheet for each month.

November In Chicago

The crisp, sunny days of October somehow slid into damp, gray ones during November in the Chicago area where I grew up. The sun played hide-and-seek in the late autumn and winter months, mostly hiding. Wind swept across Lake Michigan, bringing a chill that seeped through warm, woolen jackets and into the bones. Fallen leaves swirled around our feet with each new gust and naked branches dipped and swayed like ballerinas. We walked faster on our way to and from school. Once home, Mother often commented that we had roses in our cheeks, nice way to describe chapped skin. We paid little mind to our rosy cheeks once inside our warm apartment. 

Each of the five rooms had a large radiator with an on-off knob on the side, and a deep, narrow pan for water that hooked over the back to increase humidity. We had steam heat, fired by a huge coal furnace in a garden level basement. The coal man inserted a chute  from his truck into a window. He sent the coal rumbling down the chute while several kids gathered around. The apartment janitor stood at the delivery end of the chute in the basement. Once this scary looking, coal-blackened man finished, the kids ran to the basement door to witness the next step in bringing heat to all our apartments. The janitor, grabbed a big shovel and fed the furnace from that huge heap. He let us watch for a few minutes, then snarled at us. “Get out of here now. No place for you kids.” His fierce look sent us scattering. During a coal strike, we wore coats and hats inside, waiting for the hissing sounds of heat coming through the radiators.

We celebrated Armistice Day every November 11th, commemorating the armistice signed to end WWI at the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918. Even after WWII, Armistice Day remained as November 11th. Now, we call it Veterans Day to honor all veterans. There are still parades and meals to mark the day.

At school, we studied the Pilgrims first Thanksgiving—history and art class rolled into one. Some classes had replica feasts.

My Thanksgiving menu now remains the same as when my mother or aunts prepared the dinner—turkey roasted to a golden brown and stuffed with a moist dressing redolent with sage. Aunt Adeline made French dressing, a spicy sausage added to it. We savored mashed potatoes and rich gravy, sweet potato casserole, homemade yeast rolls, cranberry sauce, a salad called Seafoam made with lime jello, cream cheese, mashed pears and whipped cream. Our vegetables were usually green beans. Pumpkin pie with real whipped cream finished the feast. 

We alternated hosting the dinner with my dad’s two sisters who lived near us. My five cousins, three brothers and I had a wonderful time together, despite the wide range of ages. After dinner, we were shooed outside to play, even when it was very cold. I suspect the adults sat around and drank more coffee, nibbled on the leftovers and did all they could to put off the dish washing time.

No dishwashers, so all the women cleared the table, washed and dried the dishes with towels made from flour sacks. When my female cousins and I got older, we were drafted  to help. Chattering women and clattering dishes, that’s what was heard in the kitchen after dinner. The men plunked themselves in comfy chairs and listened to the radio and often napped.

Once married, I thought about asking my extended family to our house for Thanksgiving. I hesitated for fear of upsetting my mother who had cooked countless Thanksgiving turkeys. My aunts had passed away, so Mom was always the hostess. One year, I worked up the courage to suggest it, and Mom threw her hands skyward and said, “Finally! I’ve been waiting for someone to invite me for Thanksgiving for years.” 

Now, my children sometimes make the trip to Kansas for Thanksgiving. We use a few shortcuts and we load the dishwasher instead of drying dishes with flour sack towels, but the grandchildren revel in being with cousins just as I did all those years ago. The faces around the table may be different, but the same warmth of a family gathering to give thanks and spend time together is there. May it ever be so.

 

Writers--Make Your Submissions Shine

Today's photo shows a beautiful Thanksgiving Dinner table setting. Look at the care that was taken to coordinate colors, to make the napkins a little fancier than usual, the centerpiece, charger plates and the lovely tablecloth to make the rest stand out. With Thanksgiving only a couple weeks away, there's more than the food to think about, and the table setting is one of them. You strive to make it the best it can be with what you have.

Our writing should be given the same kind of thought and care. When you submit your work to a publication or to a contest, you want it to have the same kind of care that the table setting in our photo has. You may have the basics of your story, but before you submit, you need to add those extra little touches that will make your story stand out.

You'll want to pay attention to the following:

A.  Clarity--you see your story in your mind very clearly, but you must be sure to write it so the reader sees it as you do

B.  Change passive verbs to active ones--of course, you cannot change every single passive verb, but you can upgrade many of your verbs. 

C.  Sensory details--look for places to add sensory details. Don't tell the reader what was seen, heard, smelled, tasted or touche--show them. 

D.  Show, don't tell--as mentioned above for the sensory details, make sure you show wherever you can rather than telling or merely reporting.

E.  Adding or subtracting adjectives--one is good, two is alright occasionally, three is a no-no. Use too many and you lose the thrust of what you're trying to do. And, the piece becomes too flowery.

F.  Use adverbs sparingly--don't tell me Fred said, angrily. Show me Fred's anger without using the adverb. 

G.  Cutting words--cut unnecessary words. Your story will be stronger when you do this.

H.  Mechanics--don't take it for granted that you've spelled every word correctly or have used punctuation in the proper way. Watch your spell check and grammar programs for punctuation if you use one. If you don't have a program to help you identify these problems, look into getting one. Many are free.

J.  Redundancy--watch for repetition of words close together and ideas. 

If you check for all of the above, your story or essay or article will be stronger, clearer, and stands a better chance of being accepted or placing in a contest. You want your submission to shine and make a statement just like the table setting in our photo. 
 

Veterans--More Than A Number

 

Today, I am posting an essay I wrote several years ago in honor of our veterans. Perhaps you might like to share with others today, if it says something to you. 

More Than A Number

   

On this Veteran’s Day, let us think about all who have served in our nation’s military and those who do so today, along with the many who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

 

The men and women in our armed forces are not numbers in a newspaper article. Each one that deploys leaves behind parents, sisters and brothers, spouses and children, as well as myriad friends. They are not numbers; they are people. They laugh, they cry, they love, they endure hardships, they work hard. They are human beings with all the emotions you and I experience. They sweat, they like to eat three times a day or more, they enjoy fellowship with others, they pray, they shake with fear more often than we’ll ever know. They are warm, living beings—not numbers in a newspaper account. 

How often do we read that another brigade has deployed? Numbers? No, not numbers, that brigade is made up of people who smile, cry, tell jokes, treasure the photos they carry of loved ones. They have headaches and stomachaches like you and me. They get slivers in their fingers and bruises on arms and legs. They’re no less vulnerable to physical ailments than you or I, but they face dangers we have never dreamed of. 

I live near an army post, so I see uniformed soldiers everywhere I go. They stop at the grocery store on their way home from work just like teachers and attorneys and librarians do. They pick up their children at soccer fields as a civilian mom or dad does. We are all very much alike, except for one thing. These soldiers, male and female, have volunteered to serve, to protect our country at home and in foreign lands, to perhaps put their life in danger while doing so. 

Have you ever thanked a soldier or marine or sailor? Maybe you’d feel uncomfortable walking up to a total stranger and saying, “Thanks for all you do for me and the rest of America every day.” What a great gift it would be if you could say that or something like it to a member of the armed forces. Think about it the next time you see an American in uniform.

 

Several years ago, my husband and I were returning from a European trip. We were tired and anxious to get through customs when we landed in the USA. As we approached the passport checkpoint, a door opened and an entire unit of uniformed soldiers filed through. They were returning from Iraq, an even longer flight than we’d had. We stopped and watched these fatigued young men and women as they walked by us. Some nodded and smiled, others stared straight ahead. Some I could barely see for the tears that had filled my eyes. I wanted so badly to say Welcome Home to them, but the lump in my throat didn’t allow it. The pride that encompassed me at that moment cannot be described. I was every soldier’s mother for just an instant. 

And what about the ones who didn’t return to walk through that airport door? The ones who came home in a body bag or a wooden coffin. My pride in them is every bit as strong along with a deep and abiding gratitude in what they gave for the rest of us. They sacrificed so that we can keep living in a free country. Yes, we Americans have many disagreements, but, even so, we are blessed in numerous ways. The military cemeteries where the grave markers are lined up serve as a reminder of those who gave their lives so that you and I can enjoy the life we have today. 

Don’t wait for Veterans Day or Memorial Day, take time to say thank you to a military person. Say it in person or say it in your heart, but please say it. 

(c)

 

A Sceond Chance for Writers

Have you ever had a bad writing day? If you answered No, I'm not sure I believe you. Every writer has bad days. You know the kind. The days when nothing seems to work. Start a new piece of writing, and the whole thing is just blah. A blob of garbage. You work on a problem area, and it's still a problem. No solution popped up.

Send a submission and then realize you didn't follow the guidelines. Receive one or more rejections on work submitted earlier. Get a long awaited critique from a writing group only to find the person wants you to revise so much that you might as well start from scratch. The list could go on and on.

All of the above and more are snags. They're bumps in the road. They're barriers put up to keep us from being a success. At least, that is what it feels like to the writer who is confronted with the ordinary problems of our craft. 

Yes, they are nothing strange. Writers meet these and other blips all the time. The important thing to do is to confront them, one at a time.  Our poster today tells us that we always get a second chance. It's called 'tomorrow.' If you set aside whatever the problem area is until the next day, two things might happen. 1. The problem might not seem quite so awful the next day and 2. You can approach it with a different view on this second day. 

Some of us tend to run headfirst into trying to solve a writing problem. Letting it sit at least overnight, if not longer, helps us to view the situation in a different light. The problem hasn't gone away, but maybe your viewpoint has changed from the day before when you were upset. Those old posters from England that started with 'Keep calm and...' had some good advice. Getting riled up doesn't help you solve the problem, whatever it might be.

I've written many times in blog posts that you should let a first draft sit a day, several days, or even longer. You'll see it with different eyes when you pull it out and work on it again. It's the same with problems in your writing life.  

Be patient and be willing to let a writing problem sit at least overnight before you tackle it. It's a second chance we're given to right what is wrong. It doesn't mean everything will be prefect the next day. Only in our dreams! But we do find some opportunity to make things better by waiting instead of attacking it ferociously on the day the problem occurs. 
 

Writers Must Learn to Cut Words

 

This is a post from a couple years ago. The topic is one that we should revisit over and over again. Cutting words is a chore and often a necessity. In the end you will have a better piece of writing. In January of 2019, I said:

Let's play What if...? What if you have a wonderful personal essay of around 1600 words. When you begin looking for a place to send it, you find that what you've written would be a perfect fit for a Chicken Soup for the Soul book. You are sure your essay will be a winner. You can almost see an image in your mind of what you've written in print in the book. But then you check the guidelines and note that the maximum number of words the editors will accept is 1200. 

Your heart falls right down to the soles of your feet. 1600 vs 1200! That means cutting 400 words. Not possible you think. You call a friend who has been published in that anthology several times. "How serious are they about word count?" you ask. You sink into a chair when your friend responds, "Very serious. I mean--they aren't kidding." 

What if you try to cut the extra 400 words? It would mean you can submit the essay feeling confident because you followed the guidelines. It might also mean a lot of work. What if you lose something big in the story by cutting 400 words? What if you don't want to tackle the job? Not an option? Then, it's time to get to work.

Go through the text and highlight places where you have used more than one adjective to describe a noun. Choose one and toss the other. Now, check for adverbs. Do you really need to say '...he said angrily?' Drop the adverbs wherever possible. 

Go back to the beginning and look for overly long sentences. Ask yourself how you can condense what you've said into a shorter sentence. Sometimes reversing the order of a sentence will allow you to cut some of the words. 

There are many unnecessary words that we unconsciously use when we write. Words like really, very, just, rather, certainly don't add to what you're saying. They only add fluff. The sentence is usually stronger without them. 

You can hyphenate some words and also use contractions instead of two words. Say I'd instead of I would. Try he'll instead of he will.

You can turn some nouns into verbs. Say I decided instead of I came to the decision. In this example, you have used two words instead of five. Do that in many places and you can cut a lot of words.

Watch for redundancy. We can make a point, then tend to repeat the same point in other words in the next paragraph. Cut one of the sentences. It might even be a paragraph. It's a common mistake--repeating the same idea in different words. As writers, we don't always give our readers enough credit for 'getting it' the first time we make the point. 

Next, go through the text again and ask yourself if there are sections that can be taken out that wouldn't affect the story itself. More often than not, you can find whole paragraphs that are not crucial. You might like them, but when cutting, be ruthless. 

Stephen King's advice for cutting words is worth reading and heeding. He said: “Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings.”

What if you follow all this advice for cutting 400 words from your personal essay? It just might allow you to cut those 400 words. I know because I've done it.

January 17, 2019 (original post date)

Writers Must Let the Negatives Go

 

Have you ever let a rejection hug you until you are angry or depressed? 

Have you ever smarted from an editor's comment questioning your ability to write well enough to be published?

Have you ever been cut to the core by a red inked comment a teacher put across the top of your paper in an English class? 

Have you ever been deeply hurt by a negative critique?

Have you ever berated yourself because you have far fewer publications than submissions?

As writers, we've all been through some truly negative moments. What you don't want to do is dwell on them. The more you do, the worse you feel, and it changes nothing.

Our poster today tells us that we should let go of anything that we can't change. The quote finishes with 'Don't be a prisoner to things you can't change.' 

Letting it go isn't as easy as a snap of the fingers. When something upsets you, embarrasses you, or pulls you down, you may have to work at letting it go. You can't always just brush it off and move on. 

As I've said more than once, try to list the positives in your writing life. Let that list take precedence over the things that are hurtful. And realize this:  All writers have negative times, have bad days, have maddening situations. The important thing is to look at them, assess the situation carefully, and ask yourself what you should do next. You don't want to wallow in a pity party. You should know by now that no one attends these events other than yourself. 

Look forward, not behind you. Think about how you can change those troublesome times. Don't merely think about it; do something positive. 

A Writing Exercise Using Many Windows

 Can you use a still photo for inspiration to write? Sure you can. The photo posted today has no people in it, no cars, buses, or taxis, no street signs. Nothing but three buildings butted together. How can that inspire you to write a story? 

Look at the windows. There's a story behind each and every one. People are inside the buildings and behind the windows. Who are they? What are they doing? What is happening in their lives? Do the stories behind several windows overlap? Are they all adults? Families? Children deserted by distraught parents? Think about sensory details of the people behind those windows. What can be seen, heard, felt, tasted, smelled? 

You can create all kinds of stories that happen behind each one of those windows. Another story might be why all those tiny lights are across the buildings. Who put them there? For what purpose? Do the people behind the windows like them or hate them? 

When you want a photo to inspire you, the important thing to do is to study the photo, then ask yourself questions. Not one, but many. The more questions you ask, the more clear the story that is waiting becomes. 

Most often, we use photos like this as a beginning of a freewrite exercise. You can do the exercise with this photo, too. Do it after you study the photo and ask yourself the questions. Let your mind be free and let your fingers hit the keyboard without stopping. You might be surprised at what comes from this exercise. 

What I particularly like about this photo is the possibility of a new story behind each and every one of those many windows and the two doorways. A treasure trove for you if you're willing to be creative and use your imagination to the fullest extent. 

Save the photo and write the stories, one window at a time. 

Finishing Old Writing Projects

 

The keyword in today's poster is 'finish.' Six letters and a powerful word. Runners must finish the race. Football teams need to finish the game. Artists must finish their paintings. Sculptors need to finish what they began. And of course, writers need to finish what they've started. 

Check your files. How many unfinished projects are sitting there, idling away the time? I have some, and I'm betting you do, too. We get a great idea for a new story or essay or poem and write the first draft, or even part of a first draft. Then, for various reasons, we put it in a file and don't go back to finish what we started.It makes me think of mothers who tell their children that if the child put a certain amount of food on their plate, they must eat all of it. Moms are saying, 'You started it, so you must finish.'

I'm going to be the mean mom and tell you that, if you started a writing project, you need to finish it. Maybe you put it in a file and left it there because you hit a snag and didn't know how to overcome it. Perhaps you lost interest because you didn't think your idea was panning out as well as you first thought.  Maybe life got so busy that you forgot you had the partially done piece in a file. There are any number of reasons why half-done stories languish in a file. The longer it is there, the easier it is to forget. Out of sight, out of mind.

For your writing exercise today, why not go through your files and look for those unfinished pieces. Read and assess the situation. Does it seem worthwhile to continue working on the story? Is the idea as good now as it was when you first came up with it? Does the partially done piece spark your interest? Pick one that looks like it has some promise and work on it this next week. 

Those who do handiwork like embroidery or quilted hangings or applique can tell you they have more than one unfinished project. So do woodworkers and weavers. It's human nature to have a few unfinished products. I'm sure there are some artists and craftsmen who never start a new piece until the last one is finished. They are probably the minority group, however. 

Occasionally, something you see or hear will trigger a memory of an unfinished writing project. That is exactly the time to dig it out and see if you can breathe some life into it again. A contest theme or a call for a submission with a theme might bring a memory of an unfinished piece that might work for the contest or call. 

Check those files for half-done pieces of writing. Finish one, and you'll feel like you truly accomplished something. One thing to remember is that something you wrote some time ago may look entirely different to you now than when you dropped it in the file and walked away. And, that can go either way. You'll either see some potential or realize it wasn't worth continuing even now. Not everything we write is a masterpiece. 

Writers Must 'Actually Write'

Today's quote has two keywords--'actually write.' All the thinking about writing will not get the job done. You must put pencil to paper or fingers to keyboard and string words together that combine to make a whole piece of writing. Be it a short story, an essay, an article or a poem. It is not writing until you physically write the words.

Writers do a lot of thinking about what they will write. That much is true. But, if all you do is think and never do the physical act itself, you might as well give up the idea of being a writer.

I was once in an in-person writing group that met monthly. There were only around 7 or 8 people in the group. Few brought something to read for critiquing purposes. There was a lot of talk about what each one hoped to write someday, about the ins and outs of writing, what you had to do to get published and more. It finally came down to the fact that this group of would-be writers enjoyed talking about writing far more than they did any actual writing. You cannot be a writer if all you do is think about it or talk about it. 

Why did that happen? Perhaps some were laced with fear that, if they did write something, it would be criticized or would not have any worth. Those people did not believe in themselves. They had low self esteem when it came to writing. The desire was there, but it wasn't strong enough to pursue real writing.

The desire to write has to be strong if you are going to find success. By success, I don't mean being published, I mean having a file of things you have written. Actually written! You can think and think and think about writing, but you're not a writer unless you sit down and write. 

You can read book after book, article after article about being a writer. Unless you write something, you are only learning, not doing. Not that I am putting down the learning part of writing. I would never do that. ?Reading about writing is a very important step, but it only benefits you if you put what you have read into practice by actually writing. 

 

An Amazing Rejection Letter

 

You never know what might pop up in your email. Yesterday, I received a most unusual rejection letter from a magazine. Their call for submissions was to write a historical fiction story based on facts. There was a maximum word count, and they asked for Discussion Questions to be sent with the story, as well as any photos that were pertinent to the story. 

I had a story in my files that I felt fit the guidelines quite well. I sent it along with a photo. A few weeks went by, and I had actually forgotten about the submission. Yesterday's email came from the editor of the magazine. It was unusual because it was quite lengthy and also complimentary. This kind woman noted that I had not sent the Discussion Questions, so she made some up for me. (Wow!) The only reason I didn't send the Discussion Questions was that I forgot! A poor excuse!

She said that the story had gone to the Editorial Review Committee as a first step. They all liked the overall concept of the story, but did not feel the focus and content was right. She added that they thought I was a 'good' writer, and one even said a 'quality' writer. Needless to say, that last part pleased me. 

Then, she listed nine individual comments regarding the story. I found them quite interesting, although I did not agree with the majority. In reading through the comments, it became obvious that individual readers look at the same story in a completely different way. I'm guessing their outlook is based on their own values and experiences. One wanted to put today's culture into a story that took place in 1912. Life was completely different then as to what it is now. 

Lastly, the editor offered to let me rewrite the story with the focus the review committee wanted. To do so would change the story in a big way. I wanted to remain true to this family story, and so I thanked the editor but declined the offer. This is a well-known magazine and the pay rate was good. Even so, I felt I had to stay true to my original story. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful rejection letter.

Lesson learned here is that no two people view a story in the same way. Many certainly did not see what this writer did. Also, that a writer should stay with what they believe and not change a story for the sake of being published. 

Did this rejection upset me? No. I felt disappointed, but I also appreciated the comments of the Review Committee very much. I still feel like it is a good story but not for this particular publication. I can still submit it elsewhere.

When you receive a rejection like this one, you'll know exactly why it was rejected, and that is so much better than being told No and that's the end. It helps to understand the why and wherefore and to know what to do next time the story is submitted. 

Writers--Believe in Yourself

Our poster quote today gives us some encouragement. The quote, by Theodore Roosevelt, says "Believe you can and you're halfway there.' 

As writers, we should heed those words. We need to believe we can write well enough to get published. If we don't believe in ourselves, how can we expect our readers to believe in us?

That old adage, 'Put your best foot forward' calls for us to believe we can do it. Otherwise, we'd stand at the starting line and never move. 

Instead of tearing yourself down, try to build yourself up. Trite as it may seem, we writers need to be like the Little Engine That Could. He repeated over and over "I think I can, I think I can, ..." and he was able to pull that train that was bigger than he was. 

Roosevelt told us that believing in ourselves would get us halfway there. When we're halfway, the second half shouldn't be quite as hard. That first half might be the most difficult. 

If we are going to believe in ourselves as writers, one important thing to do is get rid of the negatives. Concentrate on the positives in your writing life. If you make a list of the positives, it will probably be longer than you imagined. There are so many positives that should help you believe in yourself, if you only look for them.

When multiple rejections come rolling in, it's not easy to hone in on the positives. We're more likely to highlight all the negatives and wonder why the heck we're pursuing this writing life. That's when you need to look at the list of pluses, maybe read it numerous times until you start believing in yourself again. 

Believe in yourself and others will believe in you, too.