English Pronunciation
If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you
will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the
world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard
labour to reading six lines aloud.
Dearest creature in
creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in
my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will
keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow
dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh
hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies
and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and
Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely
will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But
be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and
streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show,
poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter,
laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails,
aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and
cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone,
Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude,
German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet
does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet,
chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like
should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward,
to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you
correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and
sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous;
clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb,
bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does
not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with
clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont,
want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say
finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve,
gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and
age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound
like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob,
bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We
say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with
deafer.
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate
and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic,
Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library,
heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say
hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but
vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover,
clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but
police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle,
disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise,
plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos,
chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour,
four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea,
area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern,
cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare
alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with
ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but
ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron,
granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but
preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass,
bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out,
joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and
tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so
is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey,
Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and
work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and
spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and
saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with
stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of
Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes
with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or
cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give
up!!!