No Right or Wrong When Writing Family Stories

 

I am happy to report that I have made the required days of isolation for those dealing with Covid. In fact, I am a day over that number. Fortunately, my husband and I both had a relatively light case. Two miserable days, then big improvements after that. That means, I'm trying to get back to my normal schedule. 

I plan to address the topic of Family Stories this week. Our quote for today says: 'Family is a gift that last forever.' The people don't last forever, but our memories are with us as long as we walk this earth, and, if we write them for others, they'll last even longer. 

What better way to leave some of those memories to future generations than to write our Family Stories? Some wonderful quotes illustrate this thought.

If you don’t recount your family history, it will be lost. Honor your own stories and tell them too. The tales may not seem very important, but they are what binds families and makes each of us who we are. Madeleine L’Engle

“It turns out that sharing family stories with adult children and grandchildren is more than a pleasant pastime. Research has found that a strong narrative helps build strong family bonds. .Passing down lessons and values through stories enhances a sense of well-being.” (Mary W. Quigley

“The best-loved stories are not from books or films, but those from our own families” Jane McGarvey“

Family stories casually chatted about at the dinner table, or regaled again and again at family gatherings can parallel great epics or notable short stories. The memorable stories of our lives and of others in our family take on special importance because they are true, even if everyone tells different versions of the same event. These tales are family heirlooms held in the heart not the hand. They are a gift to each generation that preserves them by remembering them and passing them on.” (Heather Forest)

When you write those Family Stories, both happy, funny, and sad, be sure to see that they will be handed down to someone in the family after you are gone. Be kind enough to let them know long before they're needed. I'm not addressing only people in their senior years regarding this, younger people need to give some thought to it, as well. 

My husband had an aunt who was the Family Storyteller and keeper of Family History. She had never married so had no children to pass these things on to. She made a large family photo album with information under the photos of Ken's mother's side of his family. Eight children all born in the USA to German immigrant parents. She didn't give it to Ken or one of his brothers, or any of her other nephews and nieces. Instead, she gave it to our, then five-year-old, granddaughter. The message that she was to carry on the family tradition was there for all of us. Our granddaughter was thrilled to be given this family gift, even though at that young age, she didn't realize all the implications. Today, I'm sure she does. 

I keep hard copies of my Family Stories in a large 3 ring binder type of notebook, so that I can easily add new ones as they are written. 

Read the quotes above again, and give them serious consideration. Remember this, as well:  You do not have to be a professional writer to write Family Stories. Anyone can do it. They can be short or long, detailed or just the facts. There is no right or wrong when writing your memories for generations to come to savor. 

Delve Into Your Family History

 

Today's quote is by one of my longtime favorite authors--Pearl S. Buck. I started reading her books when I was in high school. When I finished one, I'd search for another. She was a wonderful storyteller. Raised in China by American missionary parents, the majority of her books were set in China, about Chinese people of long ago. I learned a great deal about the culture of old China as I absorbed her stories. 

Back to the quote--'If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.' For me, that is one reason history is taught in school. We need to look back to see what happened and how it influenced us today. There will be both positives and negatives to be studied. 

It's also a reason for writing our family stories and keeping a family history. All that happened to our ancestors affects us in some way today.  If your grandparents or great-grandparents were immigrants, they brought the customs and culture of their old country to the new one. As time went on, those customs mingled with new American ones. The children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and on down the line acquired some of them. Many kept them, but others wanted to change to all American culture. Again, there are both positives and negatives. 

My grandparents were children of immigrants. My maternal side were Irish farmers and coal miners. My paternal side grandfather, whose ancestors were French-Canadian, was part of the auto industry in its early days. Not an owner but a mechanic who made good money in a new field. My husband's parents were both children of immigrants. Mine were city people, while my husband's maternal grandparents were farmers and the other side lived in a small town. All of these things had a big influence on my own life. Knowing the background both my parents and grandparents came from helped me understand them--and admire them in many ways. 

All too often, we don't have any interest in looking back at the generations in our family until we are older. Suddenly, we want to know where they came from, what kind of work they did, What talents did they have and more. By then, it is often too late, as the people we should talk to are gone. I wish I knew what it takes to make younger people delve into their family history and family stories.

I was fortunate in that my parents were storytellers. As our family ate together, we heard a great many stories about our grandparents and great-grandparents. Not all people are storytellers. My husband's mother was a child of immigrants, and she grew up with 8 siblings on a farm in central Illinois. She rarely ever spoke of her growing-up years. I finally figuted out that she was not proud of her heritage. Fortunately, her younger sister was the family storyteller. It was one of the only ways we learned of my husband's family history. 

If you want to learn who you are and understand yourself, search into the yesterdays of your family. Then do write those family stories and keep a record of the family history. You do not need to be a professional writer to do this. Don't wait until it's too late.

How to Begin Writing Family Stories

 

Today's poster tells us that family is a gift that lasts forever. If you want to help the 'forever' part, it is time you started writing your family stories. They will be lost forever if each generation does not do something to extend their life. 

Sure, we all tell those stories at family gatherings, whether at the holiday dinner table or when together for a wedding or a funeral. Funerals in particular seem to bring out stories of the deceased. When one of my brothers passed away, I heard stories before and after the funeral that I'd never heard before. And I told a few about him that some others had not heard. 

I had three brothers, and a few years ago, I printed and copied all the family stories I had written, put them in a 3 ring binder for each one and mailed them. It was a big project as it took some time and effort, but the reaction from each one who received a book was well worth it. Two of my brothers have passed away, but the books are still there for the children of each one. 

Everyone would probably agree that writing those stories would be a worthy project. The problem is that many think about it but never seem to get started. Why? Does the idea seem overwhelming? Perhaps, but remember that you don't have to do it all in one week or one month or even one year. 

The way to begin is with one story at a time. Think back to your childhood. What is something you remember clearly about one of your grandparents? Or a favorite uncle? Or a cousin you were close to? Choose one and only one. You could start with something to describe the person's physical traits, or their demeanor. An example using my grandfather might be:

      My Grandpa Studham was a quiet man. He and my grandmother were separated, never divorced, so they visited us at different times. One time, Granpa arrived with a gift for me tucked in his suitcase. A cigar box filled with pennies he'd saved! And then I could go on telling more about that gift and the grandfather who had been a coal miner and always seemed to have a cigarette in his hand.

Pick one person, one event, one time and start writing. As you write that first story, it may trigger thoughts of others. Work at your own pace. There is no deadline. If you write longhand, that's fine. If you type on a keyboard, you can print the stories and start a notebook to keep them in. 

You do not have to be a professional writer to do this. There is no wrong or right way to tell your family stories. 

Here are a few things to keep in mind when you write your stories:

A. give a sense of place

B.  physical characteristics

C.  the way a person acted, or his character traits

D.  how you felt

E.  how others in the family felt or reacted

F.  use dates if pertinent to the story

G.  be descriptive

All it takes is one story to begin. Only one. I bet you can do that.

February and Writing Memories Exercise

 

Here we are at the front end of the shortest month of the year. Even so, it is chock full of special days. Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, Abraham Lincoln's birthday, George Washington's birthday, and also designated as Black History Month. 

In our family, we celebrate two birthdays--my son and our oldest granddaughter. His on the 5th and hers on the 16th. I remember the day each one was born. Special days. 

When we write family stories, memories connected with the events or celebrations of a particular month roll through our minds. In December, we think about so many parts of Christmas in our growing up years, then in the years we were raising our own families. The same for November when Thanksgiving happenings come to mind. 

Many of those memories are revisited around the dining table. Some small comment might trigger a special family story, and one person tells the tale while the others nod in agreement if they, too, remember it, or with looks of amazement if they had no inkling of that particular happening. When families are gathered together with food as the centerpiece, the memories seem to appear easily. 

It's not convenient to write them down as you are seated at the table, and when everyone disperses for other places, no one thinks to make a written record of what was said at the table. The story drifts away and future generations don't have the joy of hearing it. 

That is why I urge you to write your family stories. You're not doing it for those generations behind you, the ones who have left life on earth. Or not necessarily for yourself. You're doing it for future generations in your family, so that they will learn about their ancestors. Maybe twenty year old Joe reads a story about his great-grandfather. In that story, Great-grandfather Sam's habit of eating a certain way is noted. Maybe Joe eats the same way. A small habit suddenly unites him with that great-grandfather. If no one had written the story, Joe would never have known about his real connection with an ancestor. This is just one small example. There can be so many others.

My husband's paternal grandfather left Germany at the age of 20. He had a much younger brother who was only a toddler at the time. Grandpa told of standing at the rail of the ship, looking down and waving at his mother who was holding his little brother, wondering if he would ever see them again. Many, many years later, my husband and I visited the town where this grandfather grew up--Lahr, Germany. I wrote a travel essay about our visit there titled "Grandpa's Town." I didn't include that story about his departure on the ship, but in retrospect, I should have. 

Sometimes, the small things of long ago turn into more important moments as time goes on. They deserve to be written down for future generations to read. 

For an exercise today, start writing with the following words:  In February, I remember...

Your memories could be about what you did that month in school, the weather, foods your mother made only in February, and more. Maybe you have a birthday in February, so your memories could center around that. I find if I write those opening words of the exercise, then close my eyes for a minute, I am ready to write. Give it a try. You might be surprised at what memories you bring forth. 

Little Things to Add in Family Stories

 

The photo today is probably familiar to most people. The Family Tree is of great interest to those who are students of Geneaology. They track all the 'begats as we've read in the Old Testament. Remember the section that tells who begat whom? The Family Tree shows us and our relatives who came before us along with birth and death dates, marriage dates, and more.

When you look at a Family Tree, there's a great deal more between those bars that we don't readily see. The family stories from the past could be added to the chart if there was room, but of course, that is not possible. Instead, your family stories must be written separately and kept together in some manner apart from your Family Tree chart. Putting that chart in the front section or on the cover might be a nice addition. 

When we write personal essays, we are supposed to include some universal truth or something we'd learned from the experience we wrote about. When you write a family story, you can do the same thing. Rather than only report what happened, add what you learned, even if it is nothing but a tidbit.

My Uncle Jimmy was a man who had lots of funny things happen to him. He'd drive to work, but forget and take the bus home. Many times. He hit a finger while putting up a cornice and bandaged the wrong finger,then wondered why his finger was still bleeding. The part that makes all the little slip-ups in his life interesting and funny is that he told the stories on himself, and then he'd laugh heartily, his eyes twinkling. For the sake of space, I won't go into all the tales he told on himself, but the important thing here is that I learned from him that it is alright to laugh at yourself, that there is no shame in making little mistakes. A valuable lesson. If I was writing about my Uncle Jimmy, I would surely want to add what he taught me. 

Add details that can bring your story to life. Sensory details are important in writing fiction. When the author treats us bits about smell, sight, taste, sound, and touch, we feel like we're right there with the character in the story. Do the same with your family stories. And no, you need not add all 5 senses in one short slice of life about someone in your family. Use whichever ones work in the story you're telling.

What about dialogue? How can we remember the exact words of something that happened years ago? We seldom remember word for word, but we do remember the gist of what was said, and it's alright to use dialogue of what we think was probably said. Dialogue helps bring the story to life just like those sensory details. Do it in moderation, however.

Use bits and pieces that give us a sense of the place where the story happened and the time period. You needn't write a lot about it, but something that will help the reader know when and where the story happened. 

Description helps your story, too. I don't mean to describe every little thing in detail, but if your grandfather's barn has a significant spot in your story, add a little description of that building. 

Verbs play a part in the story you write. If you use almost all passive verbs (is, are, were, was...), your story will sound passive, too. Action verbs show what is happening instead of telling like the passive ones do. Verbs like jump, ran, swiveled, galloped, and others give the reader a better picture of what is happening. 

The things I've pointed out in today's post will make a difference in your final result. But, if all you want to do is report what happened in the simplest terms, that is your choice. I would rather anyone do that than not write his/her family stories at all.

Prompts For Family Stories

 

Our poster today tells us that a family is a lasting gift. You can help your family to have that gift by writing your family stories. When those stories are only told around the holiday dinner table, they eventually get lost. Writing the stories ensures that they will live on, that those stories will be a continuing gift to other family members.

So many people tell me they want to write their family stories, but they say they don't know how to begin. There is no set place or time to begin. It's not necessary to start with the first ancestor you remember. The starting spot is anywhere, anyone, or anyplace. Begin with the most vivid memory you have. Once you have a lot of family stories, you'll put them in a binder and assemble them in any way you like. By the person, by the era, by the ones you like best. It does not matter how you put your book of family stories together. What is important is that you do it.

We all like a bit of help when working on a big project. Make no mistake--writing family stories is most definitely a big undertaking. I think that, once started, people get enthused and wnat to keep going. 

Below is a list of prompts to help you get started. You'll note they are questions, and it's you who have the answers. On to the list which is long but not compete:

1. What part of the world did you live in?
2. Did you live near close relatives?
3. Did you see relatives only on holidays?
4. Were grandparents part of your everyday life?
5. Were your closest relatives born in America or somewhere else?
6. What kind of storms did you have where you lived"
7. Were your parents and grandparents strict?
8. Did you have siblings?
   
9. Were you close to siblings?
10. Was there jealousy among siblings?
11. Were any of your relatives mean?
12. Who was the kindest relative you had?
13. Do you know stories about your siblings at school?
14. Did you have cousins who were close to you?
15. Was your family large or small?
16. What were holiday gatherings like in your family?
17. How did you decorate for holidays?
18. What special foods did your family make for holidays?
19. Did you wear new clothes or hand-me-downs?
20. Did you have chores to do every day?
21. Who was the biggest eater in the family?
22. Who made you happy?
23. Who made you sad? 
24. Who taught you to drive?
25. Do you know any weather-related family storiees?
26. Was there anyone in your extended family that scared you?
27. Who had a special hobby?
28. Who was the best cook?
29. What were family vacations like? Or were there any?
30. Did your family attend church?
31. What leisurely activities did your family pursue?
32. Did you have radios, tvs, record players?
33. Who was your favorite relative? Why? 
34. Did your father and mother each have a best friend?
35. How did your parents or grandparents meet?
36. What kind of wedding did they have?

These are not meant to receive one-word answers but to trigger some memories so that you can begin to write your family stories. Pick any one of them and get started. Starting is the hardest part of the project. Once you begin, you'll want to continue. 

There will be parts missing as you delve into your family history. For instance, I know that my maternal grandparents lived in different states. My grandmother grew up on a Minnesota farm, daughter of Irish immigrant parents. My maternal grandfather came to America from England with parents who settled in Iowa and were coal miners. How, I have often wondered in my adult years, did they meet and decide to marry? As a very young person, I never thought to ask my mother. Did she even know? So, it remains a mystery. That story about my grandfather coming to America with his parents? Turned out the man his mother married was not his father. Grandpa was not English but 100% Irish like his mother and the man who fathered him before his mother fled to England in shame. It's the stuff that we read in novels. A great-uncle went to England and Ireland and researched the people involved. It was a true revelation in our family. A family story to be told over and over, but I still don't know how my grandparents met! Or where.

Ask questions of your older relatives. Find out the answers to questions you have before it's too late. Don't worry about where or how to begin writing your family stories. Just start!

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Making Memories and Telling Stories

 

We've talked many times about writing your family stories, putting your memories into print form. It's wonderful to tell stories like the photo that shows an elderly woman with her family at the dinner table. Is she quietly listening to their conversation, or is she entering into the chatter and offering stories about her younger years? The young family out on a cold day creating a snowman is making memories for their children.

Telling stories and making memories should be a goal we all strive for. Let's look at telling stories first.

My parents were wonderful storytellers. When we finished eating Mom and Dad enjoyed their after-dinner coffee, and we kids were subjected to many stories about their childhoods, their parents who had died before we got to know them, and their friends. Sometimes, we kids got a bit tired of those stories, but we heard them often enough to remember them as adults. And now that our parents passed on many years ago, those stories are precious gems. I've incorporated many into my writing and have also made a book of family stories. I duplicated it for each of my three brothers and mailed it to the various parts of the country where they lived. It was probably the most appreciated gift I ever gave them. 

Seniors enjoy looking back and relating stories from a lifetime. Some of them won't do so until questioned. If you have older family members, ask them to tell you what life was like when they were growing up, about their siblings and parents, aunts and uncles, their chores, school, dating, and more. If they are past the point of writing the stories, do it yourself or pick another family member, but please have them written somewhere. Those stories are part of your family history.

The picture of the young family out in the snow shows us how memories are created. The little boy will most likely remember the time, or times, his family built a snowman on a cold day in the snow. Someday, he will tell his own children about the fun he had with Mom, Dad, and little sister.

When we attend a wedding or even a funeral, we are making family memories. When we look back, we should tell younger family members about the event. The same with picnics, fishing trips, road trips with a whole family cooped up in the family car, flying to an island resort with the family, the vacation when it rained the entire time, and more. Those memories are the stuff from which family stories are made. Don't waste them. Don't let them sink into your mind so deep that you forget them. 

I really should tell my grandchildren about the time a painter left his paint cans and brushes where a little girl could easily see them and try them out. The painter had finished all the railings and steps on the three floors of the building where the little girl lived. The paint he''d left was for another project and a different color. That little girl pried open a paint can, dipped a brush, and proceeded to paint over the steps in a lovely color instead of the dull gray he'd used. The little girl got in a whale of trouble after the painter yelled at her mother. The little girl never touched paint cans again, and the painter never spoke to her when he saw her.

So, tell the stories and create memories. Share them with other family members. And please write those stories. 

Encouragement or Challenge?

 

I'm a firm believer that out of all bad comes some good. We might have to search for it, but we can find the good if we try. I think one of the positives that has come from the 2020 pandemic is that we realize how much our families mean to us. Of course, we always knew they meant a lot, but maybe now that fact has come to light in a bigger way. Especially for those who have lost family members this past year. It doesn't matter if the loss came through a covid illness, some other disease, an accident, or old age. Someone we knew and loved is gone.

I encourage you to write about those people you lost. Write about the kind of person he/she was. Write about the quirks and the antics and the love shown and what that person meant to you. Write about the sad parts of their lives, and with some, the bad parts. It's who they were. Sadly, we don't always realize what a person means to us until we have lost them. 

Besides encouraging you, I challenge you to write about those you lost and those in your family still here. Not everyone has lost a family member this past year, but we can all start writing those family stories that will live on forever once someone puts them down for others to read. 

You might find that the older you get, the more interested you are in your family stories and the people who have starring roles in them. Sadly, by the time some people become interested in their family history, the people who could have told them the most stories are gone. 

I would like to encourage young people to sit down with an older family member and talk with them. I mean 'really talk' not just swing through the house and say "Hi Gram, how are you doing today?" Young people seldom realize that their grandparents and great-grandparents are a treasure trove of family history, family happenings, and more. 

Don't rely on grandparents only. You probably have some aunts and uncles, great-aunts and great-uncles. They can add to the stories your immediate family tells you and add new ones of their own. 

Many families keep a record of births and deaths in the family bible. That's a good starting point. Ask your older relatives about family members listed in the family bible. You might open a treasure box. Writers often do writing exercises from a prompt of a photo or a short sentence. It's something to trigger your imagination. Those family records could trigger many stories. 

Sit down with an older family member and leaf through photo albums. Many of those photos will trigger stories you might not ever have heard. 

I often write a post about the importance of writing family stories, why, and how you can start a Family Stories Book. It's important to me, and I hope it either has been or will be something you want to do. Lots of people say they have the desire to compile a Family Stories Book, but the desire is as far as it goes. Where do you begin? With one story at a time. There are also plenty of books on writing your family stories. One of my writer friends has one recently published. You can find How to Write Compelling Stories from Family History by Annette Gendler at Amazon. Use your favorite search engine to find others.

If you've never written about anyone in your family before, make 2021 the year you begin. What better time than this new year coming on the heels of a most difficult 2020? If you haven't thought about how much family means to you during this pandemic year, I suggest you give it some thought. All those parents, step-parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins are a part of you. Honor them by writing their stories and gifting them to the present and future generations in your family. 

I usually encourage readers to write their family stories. Today, I am offering a challenge to do so. 

Questions on Writing Family Stories

 

Crisp fall mornings will soon be here.

One of the questions I am always asked when I give a program on writing your family stories is this: Do I have to start at the beginning and write the stories chronologically? Maybe not those exact words but close enough. 

The answer is a great big NO! If you're writing a biography or autobiography, you would begin with the very beginning--when and where the person was born and to whom.

When writing stories about your family, the immediate and extended, you can begin with a story about your Uncle Jim that happened when he was 36 and you were a child. Then write a story about your grandmother and something that happened during WWII followed by one about you and your siblings during your teen years. There does not need to be any specific order when you write them.

That said, when you're putting your stories into a 3-ring binder, you can arrange them by the people or by the time or leave it helter-skelter. That's up to you. Notice that I mentioned a 3-ring binder to use for keeping your stories. I like them because you can easily add and rearrange your stories. You can also add dividers, although it's not necessary. 

Write the stories as the memories come to you. Maybe you hear a story at a family gathering that is new to you or one that has been repeated on a regular basis. Listening and enjoying is fine, but writing those stories soon after you hear them is better. 

Another question is: How long do the stories need to be? You can write one that is 100 words or 1000 words or more. There are no rules for this kind of story. You're the author. You decide.

Some who are beginning on the family story project might wonder if there are any rules for the actual writing. No, not a set of rules, but it would be helpful to keep a few things in mind as you write. If you do some of the following, your story will be more interesting.

1. Use active verbs--overuse of passive verbs like was, is, are, won't make for a rather ho-hum or boring story. When you use active verbs, you're showing what the person did rather than just stating or reporting. 
2. Use sensory details--show the five senses--hearing, sight, smell, touch, and taste
3. Give an idea of the place where the story happened. Instead of saying, 'It happened in Grandpa's barn, try something like I remember where it happened. Right in the middle of Grandpa Jones' big, red barn. That barn smelled of hay and cows and....  
4. Mix up the length of your sentences. A few short ones, a few longer. Watch out for overly long sentences.
5. Description helps bring your reader into the story. 
6. Put your name after the title so those in generations ahead will know who wrote the story.
7. Try to include the general time the story happened--'just before Dad left for Vietnam' or 'Elvis had died that day, and Aunt Ellen was beside herself with grief.' 
8. Don't be afraid to use some humor or emotions like sadness, anger or great joy.
9. Including a few personality traits will also bring your story to life.

All of the suggestions above are exactly that--suggestions. You write your family stories the way that is best for you. 

A Checklist for Writing Family Stories

I recently ran across a checklist for a workshop I gave on writing family stories a few years ago. It seemed like it would be worth using it for a post today with a little bit added. 

Families are forever, even when there are warring factions within. Families are the base of who you are. Families are for good times and bad. Families make you laugh and sometimes cry. Families can bring both pride and shame. 

We write family stories to preserve the history of the group of people who we claim as 'ours.'  Whether happy, funny, or sad, these stories should be written and passed on to future generations. The list below will give a little guidance on how to write your family stories. Remember, though, that there is no 'all right' or 'all wrong' in doing this. Use this as a guideline but put your own personal mark on the stories. 

DO:
1.  Tell one story at a time
2.  Give praise where it is due; consider skipping anything that might prove uncomfortable to others
3.  Concentrate on the important part of the story rather than small details
4.  Revise and rewrite (A first draft gets you started, but rewriting will make it stronger)
5.  Include dates when possible
6.  Give your story a personal touch by including your feelings
7.  Read your story aloud (This helps catch many small errors)
8.  Put the story aside after you’ve written it. (In two or three days, read it again. You’ll see it through different eyes and errors will become apparent)


DON’T:
1.  Tell too much in one story.
2.  Use too many passive verbs like was, is, and are (go for strong active verbs)
3.  Use too many short, choppy sentences (Balance them with longer sentences)
4.  Try to always tell a story in chronological order. (Sometimes rearranging makes for a more interesting story)
5.  Worry about how good it is. (It’s for you and your family; they love you no matter what)
6.  Start with “I was born on _________,19____  (A blow by blow description of a life isn’t necessary. Somewhere within your stories, you will be able to mention birth date and place. Within each story you write will be many tidbits of information. When put together, the bits and pieces will give a complete picture of you and other family members)
7.  Forget to set the story aside for a few days, then revise it.
8.  Use unnecessary words when writing (Part of revising is getting rid of those words that don’t add anything to the story. Watch for words like just, then, you know. We use them in speaking, but they deter from the important part of your writing)
9.  Use too many adjectives (A lot of flowery adjectives weaken the story. One adjective is descriptive, two or three becomes sickeningly sweet)
10.  Forget to enjoy what you’re doing


Helpful HInts: 
1.  Make a Memory Book, add to it each month of the year. Tell the stories that fit into that month
and keep adding to every year
2.  Make a list of questions to trigger your memory
3.  Go through old photo albums to bring back memories
4.  Interview older family members


   
   
   

An Easy Way To Record Family Stories

The Gift of Family Stories

Regular readers of this blog know that I am a great proponent of writing Family Stories to be given to the younger generations on your family tree. Our photo today sends a message about age and time. The years slip by so quickly, and you keep meaning to start writing your Family Stories, but...

Yesterday, a friend called, and during our conversation, he told me about a special Father's Day gift he received this month from his son. It's something called StoryWorth. My friend's son told him he would receive one question per week from this group. The questions would deal with past family history, people, and their stories. He is to write about each question as he receives them and then return. At the end of 52 weeks, with one question per week, his answers will be assembled into a book. The cost of the program is $99, and I'm not sure if that includes the book or not. I'm guessing it is for one book, and if you want more for additional children, you'd pay more. 

It's a fine idea if you don't mind spending the money for the gift to your parents or grandparents. Anyone can write the answer to a question once a week. It might even turn out to be fun, something for the person answering to look forward to. 

If you don't want to spend the money for a program like this one, or others similar, you could devise your own program for your parents or grandparents. All you would need to do is make a list of 52 questions and send them one at a time on a weekly basis. Ask for the answers to be returned on a weekly basis, too. Let them pile up, and they can get lost pretty easily. 

Here's a shortlist of questions you might include. You can surely come up with others that are more detailed. 

• Where and when were you born?
• Can you tell me about the town you grew up in?
• Did you have any siblings? If yes, tell me about them. If no, how did it make you feel?
• What was grade school like for you?
• What was high school like for you?
• Did you go to college? Tell me how you felt about it--going or not going.
• What did you want to be when you grew up?
• Were your parents strict?
• Were your parents loving?
• What were your grandparents like?
• Did you move when you were growing up or stay in one place?
• Who was the first girl/boy you kissed?
• What was your favorite subject in school?
• What subject in school did you dislike most?
• Was there a school bully in your life?
• Where did your mother get your clothes? Buy? Make?
• Did you go to movie theaters in your childhood?
• What was your first job?
• Were you athletic?
• Did you have household chores?
• Who were your favorite movie stars?
• Did your family travel in your childhood?
• What was your favorite summer activity?
• How many girlfriends or boyfriends did you have before you met the one you married?

It will take some effort on your part to make up the list, and the person answering will need to make an effort, as well. If you think they are unable to write the answers, interview them once a week with one question and record the answer. Then you will have to be the one to so the writing. It depends on age and ability of the person you're working with.

If you're lucky enough to have both parents or grandparents living, have each one answer the questions. 

There are other programs or books to help with your Family Stories project. Find them with any search engine. I particularly liked the StoryWorth project as it is not overwhelming--one question, one answer once a week. You don't even have to gift it to someone else, sign up and do it on your own for your family.

Family Historian--A Labor of Love

This post is an article published several years ago in The Best Times, a newspaper for seniors in the Kansas City area. I have changed it a bit and added to it, as well.

I’m the Family Historian for both sides of our family. We didn’t hold an election that I won. The job fell naturally to me because I’m a writer and maybe because I am the eldest of four.  It might also be the fact that I care deeply that our history is passed on to future generations.

    

You needn’t be a professional writer to take on this important task. All that’s necessary is the desire to preserve the stories and history of your family and the ability to string words together. Write it like you’d tell the story sitting around the dining room table after a Sunday dinner. That's the place where we learn a great deal of our family history. 

   

You don’t have to start at the beginning. Anywhere is fine. Write a story, print it and put it in a notebook. Then write another. Chronological order is not
necessary. Little by little, your notebook will become fat with stories about your grandparents, your mother and father, your siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

    

A good place to trigger memories of your family tales is in old photo albums. Dig them out, dust them off and leaf through the pages. Memories will come flooding back. If you’re lucky, there will be names and dates on some or all of the pictures. If not, guess at the time period. You’ll come close.

    

Interview the older members of your family, even neighbors who lived nearby. Some folks get so enthused they end up doing research at the library or online to help them learn more about relatives in the distant past. They find out when Great-Grandpa came to America through ships’ records, or where someone lived by checking the census records. There are websites that will help you determine dates and more. The one I like is Family Search, but there are others. Some are free while others require payment. Family Search is free and sponsored by the Mormon church. But the Family Historian needn’t go that far. Use your own knowledge and what you learn from other relatives to write the stories. You’ll still have plenty.

    

Someone might say that their family never did anything important enough to write about. I bet they did because the little everyday things are important to those who care about the people involved. They aren't celebrities most likely, but they are your family, and that's pretty important.

    

For example, my father’s paternal grandmother came to Chicago from Quebec. She never learned to speak English. She spoke nothing but French. She made lace, then used it to fashion elegant baby clothing which she sold to Marshall Field's famed Chicago department store. It’s something I’d like my children and grandchildren to know. She probably rode the streetcar in the early 1900's with her precious baby dresses carefully wrapped, ready to sell to the Buyer in the Infant Department at the store. That last part is supposition, but if you mention that she 'probably' or 'may have, then it's alright to use it. 

   

My maternal grandfather was taken out of school at age nine to work in a coal mine. He never finished school and spent the remainder of his working years in the mines. My mother walked to the mine after school and waited for his shift to end. They’d walk home together and talk over the day. The fact that my mother met her dad and they walked home together may not be important, but it shows their relationship, that she loved him enough to spend this end of day time with him on a regular basis.

My husband's maternal grandfather, a German immigrant,  had a unique way of naming his two youngest children. It was so interesting that I wrote a fictionalized version that has been published. The No-Name Sisters can be read here.

    

Three stories from both sides of our family, but I refuse to let them fade away. Be the Family Historian for this Labor of Love, or find someone in your family to handle the job. It's your family history and it deserves to live on. What a legacy for you to leave! It is not necessary for this person to be a professional writer. Anyone can do it. Also, give consideration to the Family Historian in the next generation should be. Enlist their help now to give them a little experience and to help them develop a love for keeping your Family History.

Write About Your Family and Your Roots

The quote on today's poster is by Alex Haley, the man who wrote the novel that became a mini-series for tv called Roots. The eight-part show broke records for the number of viewers, but it had an even longer-lasting effect. The story of Kunta Kinte, a black slave, inspired millions to start tracing their own roots. Genealogy became a hobby for untold numbers. 

With that, another thing evolved. Telling and writing family stories. Of course, it had been done by many previously, but usually, the stories were told rather than written. When families gathered at a holiday meal or a Sunday dinner, someone told a story that triggered more stories. Children learned about family history. My parents were great storytellers. It was at the dinner table that I learned a great deal of my own family history. I am grateful that Mom and Dad taught us about our ancestors, but I wish they had also written the stories so that they could be read for generations to come.

Recently, I mentioned something in a Facebook post about my grandmother owning a small neighborhood bakery in the 1930s and early'40s. I got a reply from a nephew saying that he didn't know that. Had my brother never mentioned it? Apparently not. I told my nephew that I'd send him some family history, which I did. I asked him to share it with his three school-age children. 

Someone in every family needs to take responsibility to write the history and the stories of the family. In my family, it has fallen to me to take on this job. I found it interesting, fulfilling, and fun to write my family stories. Often, I am transported to the past years, or I feel like I am having a visit with whatever relative is featured in the story. 

There are many genealogy sites where you can find many historical facts about the people in your family. I have learned a great deal about my family at the Mormon website, which gives information for free. Check it here. I found dates, places of birth, death, etc, but there were no family stories. Still, it is a good place to start finding some of your family histories.

Just yesterday, I sent a story to an editor of a website who had requested that I submit a story for his site. I read over Driving With Dad to make sure it needed no small edits. I was transported back to the days when my dad and I drove somewhere together, just the two of us, and Dad lectured me on so many values of life. Hated it then, am eternally grateful now for his wise words. As I read the words I'd written, I could feel my Dad next to me. It was a small thing, but when my children and grandchildren read it, they had an idea of the kind of man my dad was. 

As Haley wrote ...the family is the link to our past and the bridge to our future. Note the word 'our' in both parts of that sentence. It makes it very personal, doesn't it? He could have said:  ...the family is the link to the past and the bridge to the future. It's not nearly as meaningful.

Your family history is a part of who you are. The stories about your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and back further generations are all a real part of you, the individual. I cannot stress enough the importance of writing your family stories. I've done it many times before and will continue to do so. It's why I have given programs to different groups about writing family stories. 

Many of my family stories ended up being published. Not everyone is going to submit their work for publication, but it's certainly a possibility. You can assemble your stories in a 3 ring loose-leaf binder so that they are all in one place and more can be added very easily. 

Use the facts, but also add some description of the people, the place, the time period, feelings of the people and more to make the story more interesting. Even if all you do is list the facts, it's still worth something for future generations. By doing more, you'll make the story more interesting. 

You can read a short story I wrote for the Our Echo website about finding my Irish roots here.

A Fine New Book on Writing Family Stories

If you've been wanting to write your family stories but didn't know where to begin or how to approach the writing, I have good news for you. Annette Gendler has a new book that will help you. How to Write Compelling Stories from Family History is a terrific How-To guide to assist you in preserving family stories that should not be forgotten.

Annette Gendler teaches a memoir class at StoryStudio in Chicago and has written a fine memoir of her own titled Jumping Over Shadows. She has also been widely published in magazines and newspapers with more family stories. 

Gendler firmly believes that our family shapes us and that writing their stories helps us to understand them. She uses her own family as examples as she lays out a do-able plan for you to write your own family stories that can be described as 'compelling.' 

Each section of the book concludes with a prompt to help you start writing. The explanations in each section are clear and concise. She discusses interviews, photos, research and much more.

She raises questions that anyone writing family stories might have and then answers those questions in a way that new writers can clearly understand. The book would be a help to both experienced writers and those who have never written before.

One of the final sections of the book offers sample stories by several writers. These true stories are followed by works cited and suggested further reading, as well as a final note from Ms. Gendler. 

If you've ever had thoughts about writing your family stories, this is the book for you. Hear from the author herself at her website. There is even a spot to ask a question and receive an answer from this expert in writing family stories. Purchase the ebook or paperback at Amazon for yourself or for a gift for others interested in preserving family history. 

Q &A On Writing Family Stories

Have you thought about writing your Family Stories one at a time, then assembling them into a book? It needn't be a hardcover like the one shown above. Today, we have the ability to go to someplace like Staples and create our own book. It can be softcover, spiral-bound, or even in a looseleaf binder. 

I like the looseleaf binder because it is easy to add new stories as you finish them. I made a book just like that for each of my brothers. The youngest one came along when I was nearly finished with high school. We had two other brothers between us. Somehow, Jim (the youngest) missed out on a lot of the family stories. I assembled the ones I'd written into a book for him for his 60th birthday. Then, I started thinking that maybe our other brothers might like to have one, too. So, it ended up with each of them receiving one. Yes, it took some time and effort, but they were all so appreciative that it made me feel all I'd done was worthwhile. The two middle brothers passed away last year, so now the books will pass on to their children.

Some questions and answers regarding writing your family stories:

Should you include a Family History in your Family Stories book? I think it is a nice addition if you have a section with dates of births, marriages, deaths, immigration dates (if appropriate), perhaps a little about the employment and education of the various family members. 

If you want to search for birth and death dates and other statistics about your family, one of the places I've found to be easy to use and very helpful is Family Search. It's a genealogy website offered by the Mormon church. There is no charge, and once you create an account (also free), they will send new information occasionally. It's always such a treat when I receive an email from them telling me some new bit about one of my ancestors. I do want to warn you that, once you get started at Family Search, it's difficult to stop. Allow a certain amount of time to devote to checking information and stop. 

There's always another day. 

Do your family stories need to be arranged chronologically? That's not necessary. You can put them in any order you like. If you want to arrange the stories by years, that's fine. The point is that there is no set way. When you're the person putting the book together, you have free license to do whatever you want to.

Should you use a formal format? I think that being conversational is better. Tell the story as if you were sitting across the table having a cup of coffee with a friend or a grandchild. 

Should you include just the facts? What happened is, of course, important, but the little extras are what make the stories come alive. Use sensory details and some description of the places where the stories took place. 

What about including dates? If you know the approximate time the story happened, it would be a nice addition.

Should tragedies or bad situations within your family be a part of the collection? I am a strong proponent of adding the good, the bad, and the sad stories. Why" They are a part of who you are, what your family is all about. If a family member had a disease or a handicap, future generations should know this. Medical histories are of great importance. If someone lived through a tragedy of some kind, their story will help others understand. If a family member ended up in the court system, don't try to hide it. Again, his/her story influences others in the family, too. You can write about it without being judgemental. 

I think one of the nicest parts about putting together a book of family stories is that you have free rein. It's your decision how to assemble it, what to put in, how to write the stories. Don't think of it as work, enjoy and have fun with your Family Stories book.

How Do We Tell The Family Stories?

Yesterday's post highlighted the question Why should we write family stories? Today's question is How do we tell the family stories?

The answer to that could be the basis for an entire book, but I'm going to give you a few suggestions, not a full book. 

First and foremost, you should tell your family story in your way. There is no all right or all wrong method. Do what works for you, what you feel comfortable with. That said, there are some points to consider when you start writing. If you're new to writing, maybe the following will be of some help in getting off the ground as you tackle this big project. It definitely is a large undertaking but can be done in bits and pieces at your will.

You might start by making a list of the family members whom you know or have heard about from other family members. Which ones stand out? Put an asterisk * or a checkmark next to those names. Take some time to sort through your memory bank and see what story, or stories, come to mind. Choose one for your first story.

A Family Stories book is not a biography where you begin with the person's birth and move on until the time of his/her death. Family stories are merely a slice of someone's life, a snippet. Even so, you can add much to the story to bring out the person's personality traits--good and bad. You can give a sense of the place where the story happened--on the farm, at the zoo, in a public school, in a major city, a church or whatever. You might need to give a little background to clarify what occurred. Just don't get carried away!

When you write a family story, you do what an artist does, but you paint your picture with words. Besides the personality traits and a place, adding sensory details--sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch--will bring your readers right into the story. Keep verbs like is and are to a minimum. Instead, use active verbs that help you paint that picture.

Remember that you are not merely 'reporting' but writing a story with a beginning, middle and ending. Also, add a bit of humor where it is called for and emotions of other kinds, too.

Should you put your own thoughts about what happened in the story? It's fine to do that. Future generations reading your story would be interested to know how you felt about what happened. It's not a necessity, but I think it can add to the story. 

Remember that the first writing is only a draft; you'll want to go back and edit and revise.

Summing up: 

• make a list of family members
• choose one for your first story
• check your memory bank for stories
• add personality traits
• sense of place
• sensory details
• use active verbs
• background material
• humor
• emotions
• your own thoughts

The No-Name Sisters--A Family Story

I've posted a great deal about writing your family stories over the years. It's a favorite topic of mine for two reasons. First, I feel family is of great importance. Second, people need to write family stories so they won't get lost over time. Telling them is great. Writing them is essential. 

Today, I'd like to give you an example of how you can write a fictionalized version of a true family story. The list below will help you with things to keep in mind. I would not suggest writing all your family stories this way, but try a few and see how you like writing it and how others like reading it.

• Stay with the facts
• Decide if you want to change the names or keep the real ones. There could be good reasons for either way. (I kept the real names)
• Use the same fiction techniques you would employ in a purely fictional story. Things like: setting the scene for a sense of place, using active verbs, dialogue, start with a hook, keep the reader interested with action, not just telling, end with a twist or surprise or something satisfying, weave in description
• If you know some of the habits or personality traits of any of the people, include them.
• If you submit the story for publication, tell the editor it is based on an actual happening.

As an example, I'm going to post a true story from my husband's side of the family which I wrote as I think it may have happened. The facts are all there; the exact way it occurred are my own thoughts. My husband's aunt told me this story one day, and it just amazed me. Later, after I told my husband what she'd related, he said he had never heard it before. His mother was the daughter of German immigrants who farmed in central Illinois in the late 1800s and 1900s up about WWII. They had 9 children. The last two were my husband's mother and his aunt. They had no names until they went to school. The family and all the neighbors called them Big Baby and Little Baby. Here is the story the way I think it happened.

The No-Name Sisters

By Nancy Julien Kopp

(Note:  This is a fictionalized version of a true story about my husband’s mother and her younger sister.)

Papa leaned forward and in his German-accented English said, “So Katie, have you found out about this word ‘perseverance?’ Can you tell us what it means?” Mama and the other children leaned forward in their chairs, the same way Papa had. All eyes turned to Katie, the oldest daughter, as they waited for her to enlighten them. “It means never giving up what you have set out to do.” Papa laughed heartily. “Then I think it is good for us all to have a little of this perseverance. Ja?” Every head nodded in agreement with Papa. None of them ever disagreed with him, not her five older brothers, not her mama, not even Big Baby or Little Baby, her no-name sisters. Katie wanted her sisters to have real names. Big Baby was six and Little Baby five, so they’d been without names for a long time. Once, Katie said to Papa, “In 1912 in America everyone has a name,” but he’d ignored her. Katie loved her handsome papa. In the parlor, there was a photograph taken when he lived in Germany. He wore his Prussian army uniform and sat straight and tall on a big white horse, looking like a prince.  During dessert, Katie asked a familiar question, “Papa, when are you going to name Big Baby and Little Baby?” He gave the same answer as always. “Sometime soon I will do that. There is no hurry, Katie.” He cut another bite of the fresh gooseberry pie Mama had made and popped the forkful into his mouth. “Good pie, Mama, good pie.” Katie took a deep breath and responded softly. “Oh yes there is, Papa. School will start soon, and they must have a real name to go there. Miss Taylor won’t let them stay without a name.” Tears were forming in her eyes, so she blinked hard to keep them from slipping down her cheeks. Why wouldn’t Papa name her sisters? Her brothers all laughed until Papa silenced them with a stern look. All five boys ducked their heads and continued eating to smother their laughter. Even though they remained quiet, their eyes twinkled. Hans leaned over and poked his finger in Big Baby’s cheek. “Sometime soon,” Papa said while he patted Katie’s arm. He pushed back his chair and placed his hands on the table. “Koert, finish your pie and go hitch Jennie and Fannie to the wagon. Mama and I are going for a little ride tonight. Jennie and Fannie whispered in my ear that they like to take long walks on a fine summer night like this.” His deep laughter rang across the kitchen. Little Baby laughed, too. “Horses can’t talk, Papa,” she said, clapping one jam-covered hand over her mouth. “Maybe they can, and maybe they can’t. But my horses are special treasures.” Papa twirled the ends of his mustache and winked at Mama.  That night Katie tossed and turned in her bed, unable to sleep. Why was she the only one in her family bothered by her sisters’ nameless state? Mama didn’t seem to mind, and her brothers were perfectly happy calling them Big Baby and Little Baby. Even the nameless girls never complained. Only Katie fretted. Katie turned over and fluffed her pillow. She glimpsed the silver moon out of her tiny window and pictured herself on the first day of school. In her mind, she saw herself so clearly. She held her sisters’ hands, one on each side of her, all of them with neatly braided hair. They wore clean pinafores over calico dresses, their high button shoes were polished, and their faces glowed from the morning scrubbing. She proudly presented her sisters to Miss Taylor. The pretty picture changed when she thought about Miss Taylor asking the girls’ names. Katie punched her pillow hard as she imagined the laughter from the other pupils. She pulled the light quilt over her shoulder and then her head. She would keep on asking Papa to give the girls names, even if he became angry with her. She’d use some of that perseverance with Papa. The next morning a tired Katie approached her father again while Mama set out brown sugar and jugs of cream for the oatmeal. “Please Papa,” Katie asked, “when are you going to give Big Baby and Little Baby a name?” She trembled inside but stood straight and tall as she waited for his answer. His fierce look kept Katie from repeating the question that day or the next, but inside she was still anxious. Life on the farm went on as always. The boys helped Papa outside, and the girls worked with Mama in the house. Only once did Mama mention the subject of names to Katie when they were alone. “Katie,” she said firmly, “you must not ask Papa about the names again. When he is ready, he will tell us. You must be a little bit patient and a lot quiet.” Katie smiled at Mama and nodded, but she knew she must never give up. She’d remind Papa whenever an opportunity presented itself. The morning before school was to begin, Papa harnessed Jennie and Fannie to the wagon so he could go to town. Mama and the girls stood on the porch waiting to wave good-bye. Papa was halfway into the wagon when he stopped, one foot in mid-air. He jumped down and headed to the porch looking serious. “Mama, I have decided on some names for these new schoolgirls,” he said, looking only at her. “Big Baby will be called Jennie, and Little Baby will be Fannie.” The two little girls giggled and jumped from one foot to the other. Mama folded her hands like she did in church and smiled at Papa. Papa folded his arms one over the other and smiled back at Mama. Katie blurted out, “But Papa, those are the horses’ names!” “Ja! They are good names,” Papa said. “Look at those two beautiful animals. See how proud and tall they stand, with heads held high. My girls will be like them and be fine people one day. Ja! They are good names, and tomorrow the girls will take their new names and go to school.” Mama patted Katie’s shoulder softly, and she leaned close and whispered, “You see, Katie, it all happens if you are a little bit patient and a lot quiet.” “And if you have perseverance, Mama,” Katie whispered back.  (C) 2012  (Published in Knowonder! magazine)