About Those Adjectives We Use

 

The man in the poster is a writer at work. Let's suppose that he is revising and editing a first draft. He knows something is missing in the story he's written. But what?

It could be that his descriptions are pretty generic, that his adjectives don't give a clear picture to the reader. Or that he rarely uses adjectives. 

Conversely, he might be guilty of adjective overload. He thinks that one adjective looks a little lonely, so let's add a few more. What does he have in the end? An overly done piece of work. 

Let's look at a few examples where A is pretty generic and B gives a better picture:

A.  The woman sat in a chair at the ball game.

B.   The old woman sat in a folding chair at the baseball game. 

In A, we have the basics, but B let's us see the woman more clearly. We know her age category, the kind of chair she is sitting in, and what kind of game she is watching.

A.  The kitten lapped the milk in the bowl.

B.  The black and white kitten lapped the warm milk in the blue pottery bowl.

We see much more in B than we do in A. 

A.  The tree faced the mountain, and Jem placed her hand on the trunk as she gazed into the distance.

B.  The huge tree faced the snow-capped mountain, and Jem placed her wrinkled hand on the rough trunk as she gazed into the distance.

B tells us the size of the tree, the age group of Jem, a bit about the mountaun, and something about the tree's trunk. A tells us none of that. 

A.  Jimmy ran into the forest, determined to find his pet before dark.

B.  Jimmy ran into the dense forest, determined to find his faithful dog before the scary dark approached.

Again, B gives us a picture that is more clear and adds some interest, as well.

Now, look at these sentences. Which ones would you add something or take away words? Are there any you would leave as is?

A. Glenna rode the white stallion along the deeply rutted road, hoping he would not stumble and throw her into the deep canyon to her right. 

B.  George put on his very most favorite tie and then slipped into the navy plaid skinny fit sport coat as he got ready for the beautiful, exciting, wonderful dance in the park pavilion.

C.  Susan walked in the garden.

D.  The house leaned a little.

E.  Her ragged dress stood out among the girls who wore ruffles and lace. 

F.  Buildings crowded together in the downtown area of the city. 

Some of the sentences have too many adjectives, while others are pretty generic, telling the reader very little. Any one of the sentences can be changed or left alone. That is the writer's choice, but look at them again. Which ones do you prefer? 

Remember that one adjective per noun is generally enough. Make it two or three, and you may be heading for overkill.  Use none, and your reader is left with some questions in their mind. Adjectives help describe; they help show, but they should be used sparingly. 

Writing With Clarity

One of the big problems writers have is to write with clarity so that their reader is not confused.  

As writers, we know in our mind what is happening in a scene, whether it is fiction or memoir or personal essay. Or even poetry.  Because we see it so clearly, it's all too easy for us to skip over details that help the reader also 'see' what we are writing about. 

If I'm writing a short memoir piece about my childhood years, I have a mental picture of the big apartment buidling where we lived. I know there is a brick street that runs in front with the tires of cars bumping along. I know that across that brick street, two sets of railroad tracks allow both commuter trains and freight trains to rumble by. If I don't add those pertinent pieces of information, the reader can't tell what kind of neighborhood I lived in. 

When I write about my grandmother, I know that she wore her hair in a braid wrapped in a crown atop her head. I know that she wore rimless glasses, orthopedic shoes and an apron when she cooked or baked. I know that her expression was often stern and her words sometimes cut straight to the heart but that she had a soft spot, too. My reader doesn't know it unless I include all that in my story. I don't mean writing a paragrpah 'telling' it either. 'Showing' is going to bring a clearer picture of her. 

Use too many pronouns in your writing and the reader can become confused over who you're referring to. When you edit, watch for that. The same goes for dialogue tags. We don't need to use them in every piece of dialogue but if the conversation goes on too long, the reader can become befuddled so use them enough to make sure the reader is aware of who is speaking. 

The poster at the top left makes an important point in a few words. Many writers have marvelous ideas but transferring from mind to the printed word is not always easy, just like the poster on the top right tells us. 

When you edit a first draft, go through the entire piece with one question in your mind--Is this clear to the reader? Don't consider anything but that question for the first time through. Then check it again to catch other problems like redundancy, poor grammar, typos--the mechanical errors. 

Whenever you write, be conscious about making sure you have written clearly enough so the reader is not scratching his/her head wondering about this or that.