Helping Hands of Writer Friends

 

Our poster today depicts a sextet of hands. I like to think of them as 'helping hands.' One thing a writer needs is the hand of friendship from others in the field. 

There are several reasons that we should develop friendships with other writers:

1.  Who understands us better than another writer? We can discuss our writing life with a spouse, parents, kids, other friends, and they may listen and nod their heads. Even give a hug when they think it is needed. Writers listen in an altogether different way. They listen to our writing woes with empathy. They've been there, know how we're feeling. 

2.  If we have a group of writing friends, we can reach out to one or more when we need advice or when a sticky place in the story has us stumped. Another writer might be able to see the problem better than we do and can offer bits and pieces of advice. We aren't asking for them to rewrite the whole thing for us. All we want is a little push in the right direction. Individual writer friends can do this but so can a critique group. Yes, consider the members of a critique group as friends. They're willing to help you and hope you will return the favor. 

3.  We learn from writer friends. We watch how they handle the writing life, how they progress in seeking publication, and how they move down their writing path. We can learn from their successes, but we can also learn about things to avoid when we see them hit a roadblock. 

4.  The common bond of writing allows us to be friends with the many writers we encounter in critique groups, at conferences, and on social media. I've made myriad numbers of friends through my blog and the blogs and websites of others. These are people I've never met in person, but we've formed friendships through our love of writing. Our technological world has allowed us to connect with people all over the world who have the same love of writing that we do.

5. We can ask a close friend or family member to read and critique our writing, but they are more likely to give us high praise just because they ARE our friends. A friend who is also a writer will give us honest feedback and possibly point out things to change. For them, it's a 'been there, done that' situation. 

6.  Our writing world is usually separate from our other everyday world. When we slip into our writing mode, we are in a completely different place, and we need friends who are in the same place to listen to us, give us a shoulder to lean on, and commiserate at what they feel is the total unfairness of some editors. And more! 

7. Writer friends can help boost our self-confidence. They'll tell us when we need to change something in a story, but they'll also let us know when we've done a good job. And guess what? They are happy for us when we do well. I find praise from another writer to be cherished.

I received an email from a dear writer friend in Canada this morning. Part of the message was about how she noticed that I am Facebook friends with a writer whose books she has enjoyed and is promoting with a group she heads. She met our mutual friend through another writer who works at the same university as he does in Kansas. So you see, these friendships go round and round, overlapping, and bringing joy. 

Writers Need Writer Friends

We all like to have friends. Being that we're different kinds of people, some of us are happy to count their good friends on one hand. Others have dozens of friends. A friend is someone you enjoy being around, a person you can count on to help you when needed, or even someone you admire and hope to emulate. 

Writers need writer friends. Who understands a writer and the writing life problems better than another writer? We can cry on the shoulder of a friend who writes, even if only virtually. Friends in the writing world can critique your work, point out things you never saw when you proofread a dozen times or find a sticky spot that needs clarification. You can consult these other writers for a place to submit--the good ones and the ones to avoid. Writers share expertise and experiences with one another. At least, they should. I'm sure there are some who are not willing to help those who are considered 'competition.' I'm guessing these are the minority in the great pool of writers.

In that great pool, you should be able to find and make friends with many other writers. Where? There are many places. 

Look for a local writer's group and join it. I'm not going to tell you that everyone in the group will end up your bosom buddy. We're drawn to one person more than another for who knows what reason? The reason the people in the group are there is that they seek the company of other writers and other writers' eyes on their work. The longer a group is together, the more friendships strengthen. I can hear a reader saying to me But there's one woman in my writing group that I just cannot stand. She hogs the attention and more. My answer to that is that she/he is one person, and there are lots of others that you can enjoy. In a case like that, I would hope that the moderator would talk to the person privately about the concern others. 

I've made many writing friends by attending my state authors convention once a year. We live in different parts of our state, but the group has an active website and the 7 districts meet several times throughout the year. If you're at a conference and you see someone looking very much alone, approach him/her and introduce yourself, start a conversation. You may find that you have a lot in common, but if not, you will have at least one thing that you both like--writing.

Social media is a wonderful way for writers to connect with other writers. There are dozens and dozens of writing groups on Facebook. Join one, two, three--as many as you can handle. You don't have to visit each group every day. Check in weekly. You'll soon come to recognize those who are the most active in the group. Their names will become familiar. Follow writers on Twitter, reply to their comments. You cannot just be a lurker, scrolling all the time and offering nothing in return. That's not the way to look for friendship or help yourself in your writing world.

Join a critique group online and participate regularly. Most groups will politely ask you to leave if you do not. I've mentioned my online group many times. We are an International Women's Writing Group, running around 25 members on average. Yes, they come and go, but the core group remains strong. I have had the joy of meeting some of the women in person at our every other year in-person conferences. There are many I have never met, but I consider them good friends. These women are honest but fair in their critiques and want to help the other writers, not tear them down. There is any number of them that I can contact for help any time I feel the need. And yes, some of us are close enough friends that we chat online outside the group. 

I have had an advantage in making many writer friends because of this blog. Other writers who have blogs ask me to do a guest post for them, and I often return the favor. Some writers who self-publish or have a book published will contact me to ask for a review. Several of those people are now my writer friends.

You can't make writer friends if you do not participate in groups or places where there are other writers. I know I've said it dozens of times, but it's is all up to you.