Writers' Past Hurts and Lessons Learned

 

So many past hurts haunt us for decades. A grade or middle school teacher's casual, unkind remark about a project you worked hard on might keep you from ever wanting to try again. I once interviewed several writers who started writing later in life. More than one mentioned 

a teacher squashing their desire to write. 

The teacher who praises a child's writing boosts their ego and gives that child the desire to continue writing. The one who makes a cruel remark about the quality of a child's writing is sure to extinguish any flame for writing that child might have had. Sadly, those teachers whose remarks are hurtful might not ever realize what they had done. Encouragement is always better. Even if they say something like, "You've made a good start here, but perhaps you can add ..." 

Let's consider that you continued writing as an adult, and you've submitted multiple times with no luck in getting published. Your submissions are either lost somewhere in an editor's delete box or come back to you with a 'Sorry, but...' We all know rejection is a part of this writing game, but it doesn't mean we have to like it. It hurts and disappoints us.

We must learn to evaluate the rejection. Maybe not on the day it arrived, but a day or two later. If you're lucky, the editor added a note giving a reason for the rejection. Those added notes can help you learn something. What if you had an editor tell you that he/she liked your topic but felt you'd only skimmed the surface, that you needed to dig deeper? Your options are to send the piece as is to another publication or spend some time adding more depth to the article or essay or short story. Which way will benefit you the most? One is going to take more time and effort than the other but will also give you a better chance the next time you submit it. 

Even those rejections that don't come with any explanation or are never answered in any way can help you learn something. Once you get over the disappointment, take a step back and give an objective look to the submission that didn't make it. It's not always easy to be objective about your own work, but you can do it. Do try to submit to another publication.

Another way to make your submitted piece better is to ask a fellow writer to take a look at it. Perhaps someone in a writer's group you belong to, or a close writer friend. They can be objective more easily than you can. You do need to be willing to accept whatever criticism they give you. Keep in mind that they are trying to help you. 

We're humans who have feelings, and they get hurt sometimes. Writers need to work on pushing the hurt aside and concentrate on what was learned. No matter how many years we have worked in this craft of writing, we can continue to learn. 

Writers Never Stop Learning

All of the situations in the poster above offer a time to learn. In my writing world I've learned more things than you can put in a vast abyss. Well, perhaps that is a bit of exaggeration but please remember that writers are know to be creative. Still, I have acquired a whole lot of knowledge about this writing business.

If you have learned nothing along your writing journey, you either are not looking as you traverse the writing path or you were a phenomenal writer at the very beginning. There are, however, very few of us who have no reason to learn anything more about our craft. 

Develop the habit of asking yourself what you can learn each time you receive a rejection. The lesson is there but it's up to us to decipher it. 

What else can writers do to learn more about the writing craft and their own writing? Here's my list: 

• Read about the craft of writing on a regular basis
• Read other peoples' writing frequently
• Go to conferences
• Study the pieces that have been rejected for the 'why'
• Continue writing regularly--the more you write, the more you learn
• Analyze writing of others that you don't like as to the 'why'
• Join a writing group and actively participate
• Listen carefully to what others in a writing group say
• Study guidelines of places where you want to submit
• Do one on one critiques with another writer
• Join a local or state writers' association
• Learn from your mistakes
• WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!

The last in this list is probably the most important. I can honestly say that the more I write, the more I've learned.