Writing and Accepting Constructive Criticism

 

When I was growing up, my mother and I played a game. Or at least, it seemed that way. Step 1 was me doing something wrong or not accomplishing a task the way it should be done. Step 2 was Mom saying this phrase: "Just a bit of constructive criticism." Step 3 was me pouting or pressing my lips together waiting for the admonishment to come next. Step 4 was Mom showing me the better way. Step 5 was me redoing the task to my mother's satisfaction with the bit of praise she usually added to finish our 'game.' Not without a grumble here and there, however.

We played this game well into my teen years. As I grew older, I realized that she was not being a 'mean mom' but trying to help me learn the right way or the better way to carry out a task. She was a wise woman. 

As writers, if we put our work in front of a writing partner, a critique group, or an editor, we're agreeing to have any of them show us what we need to do to make our story, essay, article, poem better. Should we look at them as that 'mean mom?' Absolutely not! 

Those who critique our work have one aim, which is to help us improve a piece and to become a better writer. We never reach perfection, so there is always room to grow in our craft. 

Admit it. You've probably been hurt by some critiques along the way. Especially in the early days of your writing journey. I certainly was. Your initial thought is They didn't like what I wrote. Then They're jealous and want to be mean. Or Why are they putting me down like this?

Let's look at all three of those muddling thoughts: 

They didn't like what I wrote. If you think this way, you're considering that the critiquer hated every word in your submission. That's more than likely untrue. If you see comments and suggestions in the text, it's usually the parts the person critiquing thinks can be improved. It doesn't mean the whole thing is to be tossed. It's nice if the crit person does like the story, but that is not really necessary. Their job is to help you create the best story possible. 

They're jealous and want to be mean.  This would be a rare thing indeed. A writer who offers to help improve another writer's work doesn't have jealousy as a motive. She/he might envy some of the ways you wrote, but that's not the same thing. The intent is to help. Why in the world would she/he try to be mean to you if she/he signed on to critique with the thought of helping make your work publishable? 

Why are they putting me down like this? This response is showing the hurt you feel when your work didn't receive flying colors from others. This is the time to remind yourself of why you submitted your work for critique in the first place. Were you looking for high praise, or were you seeking ways to make your story the best it could be? Hopefully, the latter is your aim. 

The longer we write, and the more often we put our work out for critique, the easier it is for us to accept the suggestions and do some more editing and revising. Remember, also, that the person who critiques your work is there to help, not hinder, your writing journey. 

Recently, I submitted the first draft of a new story I hope to submit to a Chicken Soup book to my online writing group. Five people 'critted' it for me. There was one spot that proved to be unclear because almost all of them pointed it out. When multiple people hit on the same area, then I know that I must rework that section. I knew how it looked, but I had not made it clear to my readers. Did I appreciate every one of those comments in that area? You bet I did. It's why I am in a writing group. They help me make my writing better, and I try to do the same for them. 

To sum it up, remember that those who critique your writing are there to help you become a better writer. It's that 'bit of constructive criticism' game like Mom and I played long ago. 

Accepting Constructive Criticism

My mother scolded and taught in one fell swoop. In my growing-up years, she often said to me, "Just a bit of constructive criticism. You shouldn't....." With that first statement, I knew I was in for it. I'd done something either wrong or stupid again. It's a kid thing and one way we learn. We do something dumb, we're told about it, and hopefully, we learn and remember the right way.

Mom's way of teaching me was to preface her scolding with the comment about constructive criticism. It softened the blow. I knew instinctively that she wasn't really angry but trying to show me the right way to do something. Did I accept it with great joy, grateful that I was learning something? Of course not! I was a kid! But, subconsciously, it all sank in, and I did learn a lot of things without being overly resentful.

So, now I'm all grown up and then some, but I am still open to constructive criticism from my critique group and editors. I may have much the same reaction as I did long ago--Oh-oh, what did I do wrong now? Over the years, I've learned to accept criticism of my writing for one simple reason. It serves to make me a better writer.

You're probably thinking--But, it hurts my feelings! or Why are they picking on me? Those hurt feelings and thoughts of being singled out for critcism are one of the biggest hurdles to overcome, espeically for new writers. Once you get past that, you opportunity to growi into a good writer is excellent. Take the words of 'constructive criticsim' and use them to your advantage.

If there is one area of your writing that receives criticsim again and again, step back and take a serious look. Push the irritation and anger away, and work on the problem. Learning to accept what others have to say about your writing is not easy, but if you can do it, you come out the winner.