Use the Sense of Sight in Your Writing

What big eyes you have! All the better to see!

In the past several weeks, I've featured individual sensory details that help bring our writing to life. The final one today is the sense of sight. As stated before, adding sensory details brings your writing to life, it allows the reader to be part of the scene. He/she can relate to all those senses.

I think that using sight in your writing can be a bit confusing. You don't want to say I see a  building ahead. It's not necessary to use the verb forms--see, saw, have seen--at all. To use sight, you'll need to add colors, shapes, appearances, and sizes. You can use adjectives like tiny, hazy, shadowy, drab, murky, huge and more. The minute the reader processes those words, an image comes to mind. 

Look at that sentence above again. I see a building ahead. Pretty generic sentence, isn't it? You could make it more interesting and relatable by changing it to something like this:  The huge building ahead is dazzling as the sun directs its rays toward it. Your mind sees a much better picture than in the first sentence where all you are told is that there's a building ahead. In the second sentence, you see the size and also the way the building shines from the sun's rays. 

How about this sentence? Mary walked to the shoreline. We know Mary is at the beach and that she has walked to the edge of the water. We can help the reader see her better if we say something like this: Mary bent over and picked up a smooth rock, then continued to the shoreline swinging the shoes she held in her left hand. Here, you have a much better picture, don't you?

When you have written a first draft and are ready to edit, look for places where you can add sensory details. Consider using all five senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch) to bring your writing to life, to aid your reader in getting the full picture.  

I ran across an excellent article about using all five senses. It would be worth your time to read it. I thought it interesting that motion can be considered in this group, as well. 

NOTE:  If you enjoy a post at this blog, please consider sharing it with other writers. Since Facebook still will not allow me to post a link to my blog, I have fewer places to be able to share. Someone reported my blog as being abusive. Why is the big mystery, but an even greater one is why Facebook will not listen to my pleas to allow me to use my blog link? I can do anything else on Facebook except that. Some of my posts have been under review for more than 3 months now which tells me they are being ignored. Needless to say, it's been a frustrating situation. 

The Whistle of a Train--A Sensory Detail

Let's look at the things we hear, one of the sensory details we put in our fiction, personal essays, family stories, and even poetry. 

This morning, I was catching up on email when I heard the whine of a train whistle, blown several times. I wondered if it was the historic Union Pacific train, known as Big Boy, making its way across Kansas this week in celebration of 150 years of the Transcontinental Railroad. It was due to stop here in our town at 9:30 a.m. 

The sound of that whistle made me stop and listen. I always liked to hear the train whistles when I was a child. We lived across the street from the railroad tracks, so we were treated to that arresting sound on a frequent basis. I can remember being in bed on a summer night, windows open, hoping for the train to come by and announce its presence. When I did hear it, I wondered where it was going. My own world in those days was quite small, but I knew a train went to many places.

What do you think of when you hear a train's whistle? Does it trigger any memories for you? Do you think of it as mournful or cheerful? Is it different at nighttime when the train moves through the darkness than it is on a sunny day? 

The train whistle is only one of many sounds we put into our writing. You don't want to say The train blew its whistle. Your reader knows what a train whistle sounds like, but why not enlarge on it to make it more interesting? The train's whistle whined loudly as it passed by the crossing gates, growing dimmer and dimmer as it sped down the track. 

Try writing a sentence or two for each of the sounds below giving your reader a clear picture of the sound. Avoid cliches. Delve into your memory bank.

• jet plane
• waves on the shore
• ball hitting a baseball bat
• washing machine
• school bell
• air brakes on a bus
• popcorn popping
• crying child
• church bells
• piano
• cow mooing
• birdsong

Adding sensory details, like hearing, can bring your writing to life. Don't be a generic writer who only lists the main points and neglects the small details that make writing a pleasure for the reader.

Pinpoint The Sense of Smell in Your Writing

As a writing exercise today, let's concentrate on using the sense of smell in your fiction, personal essays, family stories, and poems. We all know that some things smell wonderful while others can literally turn our stomachs.

Write two paragraphs showing your character dealing with a smell. One should be with a pleasant smell and the other one should illustrate something that smells bad. You might use the same character in both paragraphs to show how he/she reacts to both a good and a bad smell. Or create two different characters.

Use descriptive language and active verbs. Be sure to show the reader how the character reacts. Don't just tell them.

An exercise like this one helps only in details of your writing, but by making those details come alive, your story can only benefit. Doing this by showing will bring your reader into the scene.

I thought about giving you a sample paragraph but decided against it. I would rather you come up with something entirely your own, uninfluenced by anything else.

Give it a try.

Are You A Watch Dog?

We are at our daughter's home for a short visit. I was up very early this morning so I could see the children before the school bus arrived at 6:45 a.m. Awfully early for little kids to be ready to go to school, but they're totally into the routine. Cole, who is finishing kindergarten this month, was watching TV after he'd eaten breakfast. Their big,black dog ambled over to be petted. I complied and was stroking her soft fur and I asked, "Did you sleep well, Macy?" 

Cole popped up from where he was laying on the sofa. "She never sleeps, Grandma. She's a Watch Dog!" 

I told him that Macy does sleep, but she has really good ears, and if she hears the slightest thing, she wakes up and keeps an eye on the house. Cole nodded his head, said, "Yes, she does." and went back to watching his show. 

So how about your writer's ears? Are they tuned in to possible writing subjects? You might not hear things while you're asleep like Watch Dog Macy does, but all during your waking hours, you should have your ears ready to pick up on possible story ideas. 

Have you ever heard snatches of conversation as you pushed your cart down the aisle of your favorite grocery store? You might hear an especially interesting phrase now and then, something you can use in dialogue in a fiction story. Waiting in a doctor's reception area is a perfect spot to leaf through a magazine while you keep your ears perked up. You come across some amazing things in a place like that. Or at one of your kids or grandkids ballgames.  

The point here is that, as writers, we need to be very much aware of our surroundings. Not just what we hear but also what we see, maybe even what we smell or taste or even touch. On a fall day, when neighbors are burning leaves, take a good whiff and think about how you'd describe it in a story. What does  ice cream taste and feel like when you take that first bite? Think about it. When you run your hand across a bolt of fabric at a craft store, consider what it feels like. 

Train yourself to be a Watch Dog wherever you go. You'll gather gold for your writing if you do.

My grandchildren and their parents have all left for the day. As for Macy--she's in her favorite chair, sound asleep. But I bet she's listening. After all, she's a Watch dog!

Add Sensory Details to Memoir Stories

Lots of people write memoir stories or full books. They've been In for quite some time and show no signs of leaving the literary world. A memoir story is a report of what happened in the past. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

If all you do is report what happened, your story may end up being passed around your family but it's doubtful that it will see publication. People don't watn to read a list of what your childhood was like. They want to live it with you.They waant to see it, feel it, smell, hear and taste the time you are writing about. They want the sensory details.

When you write about visiting Grandma and Grandpa on their Minnesota farm, you remember what the barn smelled like when you trotted alongside Grandpa when he did the milking. You know what the old wooden table in Grandma's kitchen felt like when you rubbed a small hand across it. You still delight in the memory of the guinea hens that woke you each morning from outside the bedroom window.

But your reader doesn't experience those things unless you add them to your story. If you say that the guinea hens woke you each morning, you're reporting. If you say, "Each morning, guinea hens screeched outside my bedroom window until I pulled the covers over my head and clapped my hands over my ears to muffle the annoying wake-up call." Now, the reader can hear the guinea hens and see you reacting.

When bringing old memories to mind, pay attention to the five senses. Think back to what you saw, heard, felt, tasted and smelled--whether it was at the farm, in your classroom, or on a picnic at the beach. Show those details in your writing. Note that I said show. Telling isn't enough.

If necessary, write your memoir story as it happened, then go back and add the sensory details. Do this until you start writing them into your story automatically. Your readers will thank you.