Tips for Writing Family Stories

My regular readers know that one of my pet projects is encouraging people to write family stories. Writers and non-writers alike. You don't need to be a professional writer to record your family history through stories of incidents and events. Anyone can do it. 

There are websites to help. Use any search engine and enter 'how to write family stories', and you'll be amazed at the number of helpful articles that pop up. 

There is a difference between family stories and family history. The latter is made up of facts and figures...names and dates of marriages, births, deaths, places lived. Family stories are more personal letting future generations know more about the personalities of family members as well as significant things that happened within the family. Both good events and sad or bad. It's all part of your family history. You don't want to sugarcoat your family members in every story. Tell it like it is. Or was! You can do this without being nasty or cruel. 

My mother often mentioned an uncle of hers who she said was 'the meanest man on the earth'. When he died, he left money to all his nieces and nephews, so the man had a good side, as well. Many of our relatives have more than one side. Try to find the good side when you can.

A few tips when writing family stories: 

A. Use sensory details to make the individuals seem real--sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell.

B. Try to show the place where the story happens. City, farm, ranch, island, ocean? 

C. Do more than tell the story. Show us what happened. That's where the sense of place and sensory details come in.

D. Use active verbs instead of relying on passive ones like is, was, were, are. Active verbs help show while passive ones end up merely telling the story.

E. Use some adjectives to help with description, but keep it to one, two at the most. Otherwise, it sounds too saccharin.

F. Dialogue helps bring the story alive. You probably can't remember dialogue word for word, but you will remember the gist of what was said. It's alright to create dialogue as long as the meaning is the same as what was said.

G. Humor is always welcome in any story. There are many humorous things that happen in our families. They beg to be repeated.

H. Don't shy away from sad stories. They should be told. They are part of what makes people who they are. The same with tragic events in a family. Tell them with kindness.

I. It's not necessary to write the stories chronologically. Write them as they come to you. 

J. Describe the characters in your stories. What relation were they to you? Physical attributes. The kind of person he/she was. Weave all this into your individual story. 

Keep a file of the stories you write. Both on your computer and hard copies saved in a large 3-ring binder. Computers fail us at times, so those hard copies are important. 

Many people say they want to write their family stories. They think about it, they talk about it, but that's as far as it goes. Start with one story, save it, then go on to the next. You don't have to keep at it day by day. Write when the mood moves you but try to do it with some regularity. The longer you are away from the project, the easier it is to stay away. Maybe aim for one a week. 

If you write your family stories, you'll have a certain sense of satisfaction. Our family memories are treasures, so why not share them with other family members and leave them for future family members.  

Don't Put Off Writing What is Important Today

My apologies for the long time between posts. Life throws us a curve ball now and then. On the evening of May 1st, I had a heart attack, ending up with two stents put in the next day and a couple days in the hospital. Then home to spend a few weeks recovering. 

I've been thinking about writing an essay detailing this experience, but the thought process is as far as I've gotten. When we have something traumatic happen, and that could be any number of things, we need to get our thoughts down in some way. Maybe an essay, maybe a poem, maybe a fiction piece based on what happened. 

The problem is that we don't feel like making that effort while we are still going through whatever happened. With me, it's been on my mind, but I haven't been able to sit down and put the words on the paper or screen yet. 

When this happens, we need to do it before those thoughts trickle away, and we've lost the urge to write about it or have forgotten many of those important bits and pieces. We should do it while the emotion is still present.

Give yourself time, just not too much time. If nothing else, make some notes and keep them where you see them daily. When you're ready, get that first draft written. 

Write about your experience for yourself but also for others who might relate to what happened to you. Don't put it off too long, or you'll lose some of the emotion that can go into a piece like this. Be like Goldilocks and find what is 'just right'.

Should I Join a Writer's Group?

Do you belong to a writer's group or association? If not, why not? I've heard excuses like 'I don't have time for that.' and 'They don't write like I do.' and 'I hate meetings.' 

Nothing is perfect, but I believe that writers' groups have enough benefits to give them a gold star. There are a variety of groups that offer different benefits. 

A. Online critique groups: I have belonged to one for many years, and I know that I am a better writer because of them. When others critique my work, they look objectively and point out things I never see, even when I am editing and revising. Besides improving my writing, the women in my group have become real friends. Where do you find a group like this? Go to your favorite SEO and use keywords like 'online critqiue groups' or 'online writing groups'. There are many different kinds. My group is for women only and open to International writers. It's relatively small, varying with 20-25 members. There are others that are quite large and can probably offern more because of size. Personally, I prefer the smaller size as it is more personal. 

B. Local in-person writing groups:  Many towns have groups like this. I found one many years ago through my local library. Way back then, a group of older ladies who liked to write met one Sunday afternoon a month. I learned a lot merely by listening to them chat and hearing them read pieces of their work. Now, our community has a few writers' groups that meet face-to-face. 

C. State organizations: Most states have a writers organization. I joined mine 26 years ago and have never been sorry. They offered me an opportunity to meet other writers, to attend workshops and an annual convention as well as monthly meetings. When Covid hit, we started having zoom meetings, and they were so well received that they continue to this day. My state is over 400 miles long from east to west border, so the zoom meetings allow everyone to hear guest speakers, attend meetings, and more. Once again, use a search engine to find your own state organization for writers.

D. Other online writing groups: There are other online groups that are not critique based. They offer information for writers, news about submissions, and more. 

By joining writing groups, I have connected with a great number of writers. I benefit from their understanding of the writing world, their successes, and their friendship. I have also found that the involved you become in a group, the more benefits you receive. 

One word of caution. There are writers who start joining writing groups in person and online to the point that they spend the bulk of their writing time with the groups, which leaves less time for actually writing. I encourage you to find and join a few groups, maybe even narrow it to one or two, but do remember to leave plenty of time to write.