Mastering Fine Sentences

 

I was reading the newspaper this morning when I ran across a phrase in an article about a new police academy. The journalist said '...but the pool of recruits is shallow.' Isn't that better than saying '...there are few recruits.' It made me stop and read that paragraph again.

We should work to put some life in our writing by using phrases that are a little more picturesque than merely stating a fact. Ones that help us see a scene very well.

From a James Patterson book:  'I fell asleep to the sound of his breathing and the rain falling softly on the garage roof.' He could have said something like 'I fell asleep to male breathing and rain.' When we see 'the sound of his breathing,' the word sound helps our mind 'hear' the man breathing. I love the second part..the rain falling softly on the roof.' That tells me it's not a big storm, just a gentle and steady rain and again, the sound comes through to me, the reader.

Look at our photo for today. You could say 'The sun came through the trees.' It's correct, but wouldn't it be more interesting to say 'The gold of the leaves were echoed by the gilded rays of the sun coming through the trees." or even "The golden leaves were echoed by the gilded rays peeking through the trees."

When we write, we want our readers to 'see'  and 'hear' and 'feel.' We do that by using descriptive phrases and words. If you're old enough to remember the old Dragnet tv show, you'll know the phrase the detective used over and over again--"Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts." It fast became a catchphrase of the era.

When we read, we respond better to more than just the facts. We enjoy being brought into the scene by descriptive phrases, metaphors, and similes. You could say "She is a nice person." Or say "She is an angel." That metaphor speaks to you. The same with a simile. 'He was a messy eater." tells you something, but if you said, "He ate like a starving beast in the jungle." there is a very vivid picture in your mind. 

When you proofread/edit, look for places where you can write a better sentence. One that is more descriptive, more appealing, and more explicit. Do beware of using cliches when you attempt to write more colorful sentences. They're so easy to pluck from the air, but try to be original. 

When you hear a reader say that the book they're reading is filled with beautiful prose, you know that author has mastered writing fine sentences. Something we all should strive for.