Write About The Sad Times and The Bad Times

As many of you know, one of my great passions in life is urging people to write their family stories. I've written about the topic, given programs and add to my own family stories on a regular basis. 

We write them so that our children, grandchildren and those that come after will know something of their family history, of the times during which we grew up and more. We write about the humorous happenings, the relatives that were a wee bit eccentric, the joys and the sorrows. 

It's those sorrows I'd like to address today. It's a rare family that hasn't had its share of that and maybe even tragedy. Many people who write their family stories think they shouldn't mention the dark parts of the family history. I firmly believe those stories should be included in your Family Stories book. 

Right or wrong, hurtful or infuriating--whatever happened is a part of your family history. You owe it to your family members to write about it and perhaps explain. Isn't that better than having false bits floating through the generations? We should bear no shame or guilt about anyone in our family. 

What kinds of things am I talking about? This list names only a few:

• someone sent to prison
• a child constantly expelled from school
• a murder
• the loss of a child (or children)
• a tragic accident
• teen-age pregnancy in a time when it was considered shameful
• a runaway child
• someone with a handicap
• a major financial loss
• addiction

Did you have an uncle who made you uncomfortable? Was there an aunt who was mean to you when your mother wasn't looking? Did you have a cousin who threatened you? These people were still part of your extended family. Maybe it was a sibling who didn't measure up to family standards. You can write about those people and how they made you feel. Besides being a part of the family history, writing about whatever happened can be a release and a help to you. 

Look at all the memoirs published today that address problems in families? Many are bestsellers. I'm not suggesting you publish all the unhappy events in your family stories. They are different because you are writing them for the people in your family now and those who will come later, not for the general public to read. Some prefer to wait until the person they are writing about has passed on so there will be no hurt feelings or confrontation.

We tend to shy away from the bad things that happen in a family. Stories that are sometimes only whispered. It's alright to talk about them, to write about those people or what occurred. The bad things, the sad things are all a part of our family history. Nothing says we have to like it but don't try to hide whatever happened.

My father often told us about how his father died in his arms having a heart attack on the driveway of their home. His dad was only 52, and he was a mere 14. Tragic, sad and allowing us to know some medical history in our family. My mother had an uncle who was an alcoholic, couldn't hold a job and lost his family because of it. It helped us understand why my grandmother, his sister, was vehemently against alcohol.

So, write about the happy times, the joyous ones and the interesting but also write about the difficult people or events in your family. As the quote above says, Family is a gift that lasts forever, and that includes the good and the not so good. This is, of course, your choice to include or not in your family stories.