Writing Your Trauma Without Too Much Drama--Part 1

Ronda Miller

Many, perhaps most of us, have experienced some type of trauma in our lifetime. Perhaps several times. Writing about what happened can be one of the steps to healing and learning to deal with what occurred. I'm very pleased to post an interview with Ronda Miller, Lifetime Coach and Poet, who lives in Lawrence, KS. Her answers should be of help to anyone who would like to write about a trauma, as well as of interest to other writers and readers. 

This is the first of three posts addressing the topic:

Question 1:  You have lived through multiple traumas, so you address this subject with first-hand knowledge. What prompted you to write about it?

Ronda:  I seem to have been writing about my personal traumas since my earliest days of writing in one form or another. I wrote a short story called "Gun Memories" in a Creative Writing class at KU decades ago. It was about a man I knew who sold me a gun just like the .22 pistol he owned. He eventually kidnapped a young woman, held her hostage for days and repeatedly raped her. He then killed himself. The story I wrote was based on that. I also wrote a short story about my father's homicide about that same time.

It was only 11 years ago that I started writing about my mother's suicide which occurred when I was three. That's when I began writing poetry and I found it unsettling that the poetry presented itself so forcefully. I didn't seem to have a lot of say in it; the poetry wrote itself.

Writing has been a great release for my personal experiences. When I wasn't emotionally ready to discuss what happened, I incorporated the incidents into my short stories. I think I hoped classmates and professors who read them would think it all pure fiction.

Question 2:  Where did you find the inspiration to write about difficult times in your life?

Ronda:  The short answer is 'from others.'

There is that inner voice of the creative spirit, where we try to make sense of horrific incidents, that begs to be released. For some it can become a destructive force. For others, it becomes a an expression of creativity in the form of poetry, dance, athletics, song, visual arts etc. For another, it might be cooking or nurturing.

I do know that going to other peoples' art presentations, whatever form that takes, gives me permission on a very deep level to talk about my experiences. It's great to be in the safety net of the humanities.

Question 3:  Do you think that writing about traumas in life can be a step in the healing process?

Ronda:  I know for myself it has been. I've seen what writing can and has done for fellow artists repeatedly. Trauma wants a voice. It generally finds it one way or another.

Children are given tools in which to act their trauma out through, crayons, paints, dolls etc. Adults need them, too. When we aren't given means to express what happened, emotions build like a pressure cooker. The explosion can be directed outward, but it's often directed internally, too. This can lead to self-harm like cutting, stealing, promiscuous behavior, drug and alcohol abuse, certainly suicide.

Question 4:  What guidelines would you give a person who wants to write about a trauma in their life?

Ronda:  I think it's helpful to make a list.of personal traumas--we all have several. Choose one of the lesser ones first. A trauma can be a move, a job loss, divorce, death, abuse, illness, an attack.

It's important not to judge our own trauma. Write it like you're telling a trusted stranger your story. A friend or family member may already know the story and have their own view of it. It's usually easier to be honest with a stranger. You don't have to worry about their emotions or perhaps their denial of the incident.

Don't judge yourself. Your feelings are real even though they may not have been validated in the past. Writing helps validate them.

Some traumatic experiences are scary to write alone, which is one reason I offer group writing classes.

Go to a safe place like a library or coffee shop, your home office or deck, wherever you won't feel afraid or overwhelmed with emotion. Start small. If you write one sentence the first time, that's a fantastic start. Don't force it. Let it tell you when it wants to be written. Honor how long it may take to put into words. This is not a race.

Come back tomorrow for more about this timely topic.